Preparing for the Barack-alypse

Some advice for the Global Warming crowd from a Conservative Mom.

Dear Global Warming People,

Alot of people are talking about the leaked emails where it was revealed that a great deal has been done to skew some truths about Global Warming. Those truths, of course, are that there has been a cooling and a noted effort was made to "hide the decline" of the temperatures.

A word of advice. You can never "hide the decline". Just ask any female who, in a fit of passion, has bought too many clothes or (in my case)too many scrapbooking supplies. We do what we can--keep the clothes hidden in the back of the closet for a few weeks and when pressed by our spouses if the outfit we are wearing is new, we respond with, "What?! This old thing?!" As time goes on, our wardrobe increases while the finances dwindle. At this point, we consider ways to "hide the decline"--shred credit card bills, sell stuff on ebay, blame the bank, or pretend the shopping trips never happened. Either way, your spouse will sit down one day to balance the checkbook only to see that the money that was supposed to be in the bank isn't. Uh-oh! Busted!

You can say what you want, but you can't "hide the decline". We've tried it. It only works for so long. And like our spouses who discover our attempts to "hide the decline" financially, we're not stupid. So, take our advice. Come clean about the green.

Sincerely,
A Conservative Mom

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

My mom and I were talking yesterday about how bad the economy is in places like Michigan and Illinois where the unemployment rates are through the roof. It makes me grateful that my husband has a job and that I can stay home and take care of the girls (while simulaneously making fun of Michelle Obama's--as my mom calls them--WWF Championship belts). He works hard, as do the others at his office, and it is for them that I dedicate today's post.

There is a show on T.V. called "The Big Bang Theory," and my husband and I just started to watch it after the recommendations from the people at the office. It is, basically, a show about 4 really smart guys and their lives as they revolve around physics, video games, and The Comic Book Store. It definately appeals to a niche group of people, but if you are a nerd/geek/borderline SuperVillan or know someone like this, you might find this show hilarious. In my case, my husband is and for simplicity's sake, a Computer Programmer. He's really smart and gets alot of the Quantum-Physiology-of-the-Mechanization-of-Superman's-Flight-Patterns jokes. (I just laugh because I know it's supposed to be funny.)

So, what does this have to do with my husband, his cubicle neighbors, and the economy. First, his middle name is "Leonard" (Am I in going to be in trouble?). Second, no one at the office can make fun of that because they all use the dry erase board to brainstorm. Finally, solving the world's computer glitches can become frustrating. But you know what? You have a job, a good one. And while it may not be perfect at times, there are moments where you should be grateful and just "Buckle down and work".

(Spoiler Alert: This is from the third season, and we are still on the first disc of season 2; however, there is no context to really ruin anything. It just made me laugh because I imagine this is how my husband's day goes.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5oc-70Fby4

Two Thoughts

Mercifully, my own Conservative Mom has been in town to help with the baby. I have been able to sleep at night and nap during the day which means the fog is lifting and my thoughts are becoming somewhat coherent. (Note the word somewhat.) As I have been catching up on the world around me, I realized two things. First, Healthcare.

While I was in the hospital having the baby and since I have been home, I thought about my experience with our Healthcare system as it stands, and I found myself frustrated with people who talk about HealthCare reform. As far as I am concerned the care I received was top-notch. There was a bed for me at the hospital, the staff was awesome, my doctor came when he was needed, the hospital was clean, and I had my choice of food and snacks whenever I wanted. My insurance covered the bulk of the cost but we do owe a bit, and those bills have trickled in. All-in-all, after the insurance kicks in we will have to pay about $1300.00. It's not a terrible price to pay for excellant care and we had saved for it. Other girls who used the same group of doctors were not as fortunate, and after insurance, they owed around $3,000.00 and some more than that. Ouch! That's where my epiphany came in.

We all used the same doctors and received the same quality care. The cost was the difference and is the issue. Fortunately, there are things the government could do to reduce the cost so everyone would have access to affordable, quality healthcare (besides butt out altogether which makes the most sense). It could allow people in Alabama to buy a plan from my insurer in Utah, tell the illegals that they are S.O.L., and plug up the ears of the ambulance chasers (so they can't hear one coming). The way I see it is this: It's like shopping at Neiman Marcus. It's not that the clothes are bad. The quality is phenomenal. It just costs too darn much to shop there.

Now, my second thought. I heard a sound bite from Dick Durbin regarding the possibility of housing the terrorists at Gitmo in prisons in places like Montana, Colorado, or even Illinois. (That was the gist of his comment.) He said it was a great opportunity because it will provide jobs, and I thought Why would you be happy about needing another (high-security) prison? What is so great about having more bad guys in someone's backyard. Call me crazy, but I think it would be better for the country as a whole if we needed less prisons. That would indicate that there is less crime and more people abiding the law. Another way to look at it (from Durbin's perspective), would be to celebrate the fact that I gained 20 pounds when I need to lose 50. And if your child gets an "F" on a test when they are more than capable of getting an "A", buy them an ice cream cone because that means there will be a job made for a remedial science teacher at the local high school.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

Remember this scene from Gone With the Wind?

Okay, maybe not this exact scene but you get the reference, I am sure, to the part in the movie where Scarlett, despite Mammy's protests, uses Mrs. Ellen's green velvet drapes to make a dress. It is after the war and the family is desperate for money, so Scarlett concocts a scheme where she, in a beautiful dress and under the guise of being still-wealthy, can ask Rhett Butler for some money. It is repurposing at its finest and is the path we may find ourselves on with the passage of National Health Care. Lucky for us Michelle Obama has captured Scarlett's vision and resurrected this trend.

If you can't afford a new dress, no problem. Look no further than your kitchen to find a tablecloth to accentuate your figure.


Need a new dress for a party but can't afford one because taxes are too high or you owe the government $250,000 because you didn't sign on to ObamaCare? Don't worry, just go to your Grandma's, grab a couple of sofa cushions, and Voila! Floral Elegance!


Come to think of it. Since you're already at your Grandma's and taking her upholstery, you may as well raid your Grandpa's closet for some fabulous finds.


And if none of these ideas work for you, don't gain any weight and hang on to all of your clothes. History repeats itself and such is the case for Fashion History. What you wore in the 80's is relevant once again.

A Laugh on Another Manic Monday

I absolutely cannot stand it when you instant message someone or read on Facebook the three letters "LOL". Really? Did you honestly Laugh Out Loud? In most cases, I think not. You may have smiled, but the odds that you actually had a smile that burst are slim to none. However, there are those rare moments when someone says, writes, or does something that actually makes you "LOL". Such is the case with this picture my husband emailed me.

LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!

The Gang of Two

I am seriously considering a lawsuit against Pampers and the like for false advertising. I have seen the commercials where the new mom cradles her sleeping newborn. Of course, both Mom and baby are the picture of contentment all because of the magical, mystical properties of the Pampers diapers for sensitive skin. Then, there are the advertisements for "Good Start" formula. Again, there is nothing but bliss in the life of the mom who offers this nector of the Gods to their little one.

I had my baby about 10 days ago, and my life does not resemble the ones I see on T.V. In fact, I think our two girls have conspired against their tired parents. You see, I should be, according to the marketing directors of these companies, spending my days gazing adoringly at the precious life that has just entered this world. While the 5-year-old attends school in her perfectly coiffed hair and starched clothes, I should be counting the baby's fingers and toes and humming lullabies in perfect pitch. All of this goes on as I recover from the stresses of labor and delivery while my husband cheerfully goes to work. It's all a LIE!!!

We were home for one week from the hospital, exactly, before I had to take the baby in for a doctor's visit because I couldn't tell if it was pus or normal gunk oozing from the umbilical cord stump. But, but, but my baby is wearing Pampers! How can this be?! "Normal ooze" was the diagnosis, and sure enough, it's going away and the belly button is closing up. Maybe the Pampers are magical. Not so fast, Courtney. That evening--fever and tears. The five-year-old was coming down with something. Oh great, I was already stressed out over the baby and to add this to the mix after getting only 5 hours of sleep was enough to push me over the edge. So I thought.....

The five-year-old was quarantined to our bedroom where she seemed to be doing better. The fever, it would seem, was a case of cabin fever. (I knew this because I would see my husband's football come flying out of the room and a little body run to get it before I could say anything.) I kept telling myself that I could make it until my husband came home from work (that's my kind of bailout) and all would be well because the baby is taking Carnation Good Start formula. My moment of serenity as I feed her was sure to come right? Wrong. Red-faced grunts and tears of frustration (her's not mine at this point) were prelude to an upset tummy and ruined magical Pampers. By 2:00 yesterday, I was starting to wonder where my bonding time with a newborn, so beautifully portrayed on T.V., was exactly. Let me tell you, it is nowhere to be found.

You see, the five-year-old's football game and play-doh sessions (on my bed, yes) were simply the calm before the storm. Because last night, I heard the sound that makes my blood run cold--the brassy, seal-like bark. Croup. NOOOOOOO!!!! Now, I am really worried, and quite honestly a little bit bummed out. So, we break the news to our daughter that she can't go to school in her Halloween costume and be in the Halloween parade. Instead, You get to go to the doctor!!! This in and of itself is quite the experience as it's hard to take your doctor and the staff too seriously when they are dressed as Mr. Incredible, Tinkerbell, and a devil. I just have to say that I feel really sorry for the mom who's kid had to get their check-up from the Scarecrow. Maybe that's where all the crying was coming from?.....

Oh, and I forgot to mention that this came on the heels of having to make a couple of return trips to the hospital after being discharged because the baby was a wee bit jaundiced. So, if you've wondered why I haven't posted, now you know. The Pampers may not be magical, and the formula may not set well with the baby. Oh well, at least I can laugh about it which, I am sure, is merely the reaction of a sleep-deprived, eye-twitching, and somewhat delirious Conservative Mom. So, please excuse the typos.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

I'm Baaaaaaaa-AAAAAAAAck! Joy to the World! Congress, as of this past Wednesday, has a future taxpayer to steal from. It must make Barack Obama feel pretty good about himself to know that he can take a newborn's lunch money--Big Man.

With that being said, I'll keep today's post short, sweet, and informative. If you are planning on handing out the regular-sized candy bars from Costco this Halloween, be prepared to take out a loan from the bank. Ay-yi-yi!