Wednesday's Dose of Lovin'

I thought it would be fun to have some romantic anecdotes from the mouth of Blanche Devereaux, my favorite of The Golden Girls. However, after watching a few episodes and compilations of her greatest one-liners, I decided to keep today's post PG with a new montage. Anything that has Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe deserves to be seen.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

Quite the brouhaha has erupted over Sarah Palin's environmentally friendly way of taking notes--on her hand.

In all honesty, I have not paid much attention to the story since I believe it to be a non-issue. However, I do find it interesting (although not surprising) that she is being hammered for saving a few trees via her palm while speaking to a crowd; whereas, President Obama's use of the teleprompter for a five-minute address in a 6th-grade classroom to a couple of folks in the media went largely unnoticed (i.e., ignored) by those who call themselves "journalists".

So, why am I even addressing it since I believe to be "not a big deal"? I guess it is because every single person I have ever met, myself included, has jotted down a few notes/directions/reminders/phone numbers on our hands at least 579 times in our lives. However, I never have and cannot think of a single time when I sat in an elementary school classroom and had a teleprompter at my disposal (although there have been moments where it certainly would have come in handy).

Apparently, using a teleprompter as a crutch is perfectly acceptable, and keeping notes on your hand is not. With that in mind, I would like to offer, what I believe, to be the perfect solution for Governor Palin the next time she gives a speech and wants to remember her main points. It may render her manner of speech-making a little less grotesque to those in the media as it is inspired by our President himself. I call it the telepalmter.


Case closed. Moving along to your daily dose of lovin' as we count down to Valentine's Day. It's another repeat from last year, but a girl can never have too much Colonel Brandon (or Alan Rickman depending on you look at it) in her life.

Leading Up to Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is not my favorite holiday. In fact it ranks somewhere around Arbor Day; however, I do love the candy and flowers. I especially love the romantic comedies and chick flicks. So, every day check in for your daily dose of lovin' in some of the best movies ever. Today's a repeat, and as they say, It's an oldie but a goodie.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

I was listening to Laura Ingraham's radio show yesterday, and she talked about a high school teacher who was passing out forms to intern for Organizing for America, one of President (formerly) Soetoro's pet projects. I also watched Glenn Beck's show yesterday, and he also referenced this push to create a new generation of hippy radicals. Be aware this could be happening at your child's school. If it is, send a message to those teachers: Don't mess with our kids.

Who? Huh? Mshshhmwa? Whauh?

It was sometime last week that I sat back in the recliner and heard some guy announce the entrance of The President of the United States. At some point, President Obama began speaking, and at some point I just dozed off. I apologize for this late response to his State Of Union address, but I was sent into such a deep coma, I made Sleeping Beauty look like an insomniac. So, here I sit several days later trying to sort through the vague recollections I have from last Wednesday.

1. I can't be exactly sure, but I think I heard something along the lines of withdrawing all Combat troops from Iraq by August, just in time for elections. All I remember thinking was, Great! As a tribute to this announcement, all teachers should go ahead and hand out the answers along with the final exams.

2. There was a moment where I thought I had hit the remote control button with my elbow and accidentally switched to cartoons. You know those episodes on shows like "Tom and Jerry" where Tom is really hungry, and he looks at Jerry who turns into a baked chicken? Then, the picture cuts back to Tom who's head has turned into a hungry, ravenous, drooling wolf with REALLY sharp teeth? Apparently, it was just Nancy Pelosi listening VERY intently to the President's speech.

3. I do remember a blurb about childhood obesity, and I through the fog I thought that the McDonald's Corporation had sent Grimace as representative to help in the fight. Looking back at video, I realize it was just Michelle Obama wearing a purple dress.

4. Then, applause and cheers occurred that were so loud it startled me awake for a moment. My husband was at a meeting (lucky!), so he couldn't have sneaked in and changed to ESPN. I opened my eyes wide enough to see the Democrats standing around members of the Supreme Court taunting them over what I now know was Obama's angry reference to their decision to allow more financial freedom for corporations to donate to political candidates. Now, I can't be sure, but in the hubbub and through my heavy eyelids, I thought I saw Pelosi pull a paddle from under skirt and offer it to Obama so he could punish them on live T.V. And if I'm not mistaken, Chuck Schumer could be seen--off to the right--doing a fist pump, followed by a back flip, followed by a "Boo-Yah you --itches!"

In addition to thinking Biden looked so bored and wondering how much extra Ritalin was slipped into his chocolate milk at snacktime, the rest of it was a jumble of "It's not my fault!" and "Kneel before Zod!". Like I said, I dozed off during the speech and can't attest to the accuracy of my comments. Do they sound about right? I'd go back and read the speech, but I have more important things to read. like the Nicholas Sparks book I just bought, and I can't watch the speech again because driving while drowsy is dangerous. Oh well, maybe next year I can stay awake a little longer by drinking 124 ounces of Coca-Cola and periodically jamming a fork into my thigh.

A Repeat Post From Last Year, but First....

A picture of Destructo-Dog's damage to my table. (Please pardon the dust, I took this picture on Monday, and Tuesday is my scheduled day for cleaning the entryway.)


With that pathetic attempt to garner sympathy from all over the globe, I have dug through the archives of my blog to help you brave souls who plan on watching the State of the Union address. To President Obama: Let me be perfectly clear, It Sucks!

From February, 2009 with some minor changes:
The State of the Union address is tonight (oh goody!), and I realized that some Conservative Moms may be in need of a survival kit. If you still have your's from last year, great! However, it is likely all supplies were used within the first 3 minutes of Obama's speech. So, here's a reminder of what you need in your Presidential Speech Tolerance Arsenal:

1. The Barf Bucket, as it has been called for generations in my family: Nancy Pelosi makes me throw up in my mouth, and seeing her pintucked face (and every other Liberal in Congress) staring adoringly at the President may be too much for my gag reflex.
2. Pepto-Bismol: The miracle drug that cures a number of ailments should ease the rebellion in my stomach until the speech begins. At that point, only the final period on the teleprompter and a few episodes of "The Big Bang Theory" will bring relief.
3. Head Congestion Medicine: This must be of the "Severe" variety. The President is going to say a lot of stuff. This will help the filter in our brain, which will be hurting within the first 2 minutes of pre-State of the Union analysis.
4. Ibuprofen: To ease the aforementioned headache. My own Conservative Mom is of of the "Excederin" variety. Anything to ease the pain will do--Valium, Chocolate, poking your eyes with a stick.
5. A Simple Reminder: Per Rush's advice a note stating "He means the OPPOSITE of what he's saying" should be placed within view.

Well, ladies, there you have it, and if you don't, there's still time to go to the store.

***One More Note***I know that it is a popular thing to play the drinking game whenever Obama speaks. With every utterance of "Let me be perfectly clear" or "the problems I inherited" (not referring to his ears), people across America tip back their heads a drink some alcoholic beverage. May I make a suggestion? Rather than drink each time certain phrases are uttered, try doing 10 sit-ups or push-ups. I guarantee that this workout will have you looking like a supermodel by speech's end.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

Today, I would like to recommend something that the President could peddle post-presidency so that he may continue to keep his Blackberry as well as fill his wife's closets with belts galore. I call it "The Porta-Prompter". It came to me yesterday after my dog put an enormous gash on my entryway table (I took a picture but can't post it because of some internet voodoo that won't allow me to connect to my photo archive).

I had gone to check the mail, and the dog, as she normally does, stood and watched me from the window. When I returned, she backed up and knocked over a vase and metal stand in order to avoid some packages I had by the door. I watched in horror as the metal scraaaaaapppppppeeddddd the wood and listened to see if the racket had woken the baby that I had just put to bed. Silence. The dog seized the moment to run. I. Was. Mad.

What could I do? She's a dog. It's not like she had been plotting malicious destruction of furniture with her tail. However, that didn't stop me from attempting to give her a stern lecture. I say "attempt" because the scene was eerily reminiscent of the moment in "A Christmas Story" where the mom "accidentally" knocks over the leg lamp, causing it to shatter. Like Ralphie's Old Man, I tried to come up with a real zinger, but all I could muster was something along the lines of...


It was later that day, I heard about this picture of the President:

Speaking to a bunch of 6th graders...oops, I'm sorry. Speaking to the media, our President required his teleprompter for a simple 5-minute speech. That, my friends, is where the idea of "The Porta-Prompter" was born.

Obama always knows what to say as long he has the TOTUS (Teleprompter of the United States) by his side. Imagine the lecture I could have given the dog if I had one of these things set up in my den. Construct it so that it can collapse. This way you can keep it in your purse and pull it out at the grocery store and explain to your child why they can't have that toy or this game. I'm telling you, "The Porta-Prompter"...