I am seriously considering a lawsuit against Pampers and the like for false advertising. I have seen the commercials where the new mom cradles her sleeping newborn. Of course, both Mom and baby are the picture of contentment all because of the magical, mystical properties of the Pampers diapers for sensitive skin. Then, there are the advertisements for "Good Start" formula. Again, there is nothing but bliss in the life of the mom who offers this nector of the Gods to their little one.
I had my baby about 10 days ago, and my life does not resemble the ones I see on T.V. In fact, I think our two girls have conspired against their tired parents. You see, I should be, according to the marketing directors of these companies, spending my days gazing adoringly at the precious life that has just entered this world. While the 5-year-old attends school in her perfectly coiffed hair and starched clothes, I should be counting the baby's fingers and toes and humming lullabies in perfect pitch. All of this goes on as I recover from the stresses of labor and delivery while my husband cheerfully goes to work. It's all a LIE!!!
We were home for one week from the hospital, exactly, before I had to take the baby in for a doctor's visit because I couldn't tell if it was pus or normal gunk oozing from the umbilical cord stump.
But, but, but my baby is wearing Pampers! How can this be?! "Normal ooze" was the diagnosis, and sure enough, it's going away and the belly button is closing up. Maybe the Pampers are magical. Not so fast, Courtney. That evening--fever and tears. The five-year-old was coming down with something. Oh great, I was already stressed out over the baby and to add this to the mix after getting only 5 hours of sleep was enough to push me over the edge. So I thought.....
The five-year-old was quarantined to our bedroom where she seemed to be doing better. The fever, it would seem, was a case of cabin fever. (I knew this because I would see my husband's football come flying out of the room and a little body run to get it before I could say anything.) I kept telling myself that I could make it until my husband came home from work (that's my kind of bailout) and all would be well because the baby is taking Carnation Good Start formula. My moment of serenity as I feed her was sure to come right? Wrong. Red-faced grunts and tears of frustration (her's not mine at this point) were prelude to an upset tummy and ruined magical Pampers. By 2:00 yesterday, I was starting to wonder where my bonding time with a newborn, so beautifully portrayed on T.V., was exactly. Let me tell you, it is nowhere to be found.
You see, the five-year-old's football game and play-doh sessions (on my bed, yes) were simply the calm before the storm. Because last night, I heard the sound that makes my blood run cold--the brassy, seal-like bark. Croup. NOOOOOOO!!!! Now, I am really worried, and quite honestly a little bit bummed out. So, we break the news to our daughter that she can't go to school in her Halloween costume and be in the Halloween parade. Instead,
You get to go to the doctor!!! This in and of itself is quite the experience as it's hard to take your doctor and the staff too seriously when they are dressed as Mr. Incredible, Tinkerbell, and a devil. I just have to say that I feel really sorry for the mom who's kid had to get their check-up from the Scarecrow. Maybe that's where all the crying was coming from?.....
Oh, and I forgot to mention that this came on the heels of having to make a couple of return trips to the hospital after being discharged because the baby was a wee bit jaundiced. So, if you've wondered why I haven't posted, now you know. The Pampers may not be magical, and the formula may not set well with the baby. Oh well, at least I can laugh about it which, I am sure, is merely the reaction of a sleep-deprived, eye-twitching, and somewhat delirious Conservative Mom. So, please excuse the typos.
