Conservative Moms

UC Davis Pepper Spray Incident

2011-12-05T13:47:00.002-07:00

Has it really been 2 months since my last post? Holidays roll around, and I see nothing buy countdowns and candy. Festive celebrations aside, I have been paying attention to the news more this holiday season then I have in years past. You know as well as I do that so much is going on so fast, that it's hard to keep up. However, I thought this was noteworthy. It is a video compilation (just 15:55 minutes) of the incidents that occurred before the police began using pepper spray on some of the vermin that crawl the campus of UC Davis.

I don't know why this struck a chord with me. Maybe it's because I kept thinking, "If I ever caught my kid acting in such despicable behavior, I'd probably ask to borrow one of the cans." I look at those students, "children" as they call themselves at one particular creepy point, and hope that I can raise my girls to be thoughtful of their actions and independent in their thought. What sad, pathetic lives those kids lead. They make the tantrum-throwing toddler at a grocery store look downright pleasant to be around.

Here's the video. It's worth watching.

O.M..G. Michelle Obama is Just Like Me!!!!

2011-09-30T09:35:00.002-06:00

She shops at Target!!! I take back everything I have ever said because she shops at Target. How much more relatable an a First Lady be?!

Granted when I go to Target, I usually wear my sunglasses on my head. Then again, I don't have security with me, but that's okay. She's still shopping at Target! And she's just like me because she has a shopping buddy. Her buddy is technically a "shopping assistant"...oh wait. I don't have one of those either, but I do have a toddler that comes with me. I wonder if the shopping assistant throws temper tantrums too as they pass the toy aisle? Of course, if Michelle Obama has to pick up goldfish crackers that the assistant has launched from chubby fingers, then, well, we could be twins because she shops at Target.

Let's talk cameras because, whoa!, I have a camera at my disposal too when I shop at Target. Granted it's on my phone, and if I want a picture, I have to take it myself. Usually, I don't have people from the AP with a DSLR hanging around the cash registers either, but wait! It's still Target, and the First Lady is shopping there with her assistant...and security...so she's just. like. me. Right?

I mean, she did by dog food and dog treats, and I buy those too. Of course, if I have been stuck at home and had a chance at freedom, 30 minutes at Target wouldn't cut it. I'd leave with dog treats and dog food. And toothpaste, toilet paper, and laundry detergent. I wouldn't want to forget Kleenex, diapers, candy, and soap. That trip, alone, could easily take an hour. Wow, it must be nice to vacation lavishly in Spain or Martha's Vineyard, so that I don't have get my RnR at the local big-box store. You know, if I really think about it, maybe the First Lady isn't just like me.

Granted, she shopped at Target, but I'll drive myself home. I'll unpack my own bags. I'll take off my watch that sits a jewelry box devoid of a $40,000 diamond cuff. I'll put my shoes in a closet where the clothes are not designer. Yes, Mrs. Obama shopped at Target, but it was only for 30 minutes because, I think, she couldn't get out of there fast enough. She just hoped it was enough time to make regular, everyday folks think "O.M.G. Michelle Obama is just like me!"

Presidential Debates or How to Pick "Best in Show"

2011-09-07T14:12:00.002-06:00

To understand where I am coming from today, watch this clip from the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. It explains the process by which a judge chooses that year's top dog. The key point is made from the 0:53 mark to the 1:30 mark.

Honestly, that's why we have these debates. It is, quite literally, a Dog and Pony Show. We are looking for someone who fits the standard of "Republican Nominee for President of the United States." It's not so much Bachman vs Romney or Cain vs Gingrich. It's Perry vs The Standard. Romney vs The Standard. Whoever comes the closest to meeting those definitive and prevailing qualifications should be the nominee. So, who do you vote for down the road? Develop your standard--sound executive experience, family values, inspiring, low-tax loving, whatever else matters--and go from there. So, get your blue ribbons ready. It's going to be a great night!

Political Ad Win

2011-08-24T16:13:00.003-06:00

I just saw this on HotAir and found it too great too pass up. It's a vote-for-me ad put out by a guy named Roger Williams who was--I learned--Rick Perry's Secretary of State. Mr. Williams is running for Congress, and this is his ad.

Hee-haw!

Preparing for the Barack-alypse: For Whom the Earth Rolls

2011-08-23T20:39:00.003-06:00

My mom called today to share the news about the East Coast's bumpy ride. Three things:

First. In all fairness, a 5.8-ish earthquake to someone who has never experienced one before is the biggest they have ever felt. Recalling my first earthquake brings to mind a memory of me in the guest bedroom at my in-laws house--terrified--hiding under the covers (because that will save me from a collapsing ceiling!). My husband--native Californian that he is--wandered in, laughing at me because he saw the quake as just another day in SoCal. With that being said, I don't blame those who felt the earth move beneath their feet for being a wee bit petrified especially with the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 a few weeks away.

Second. A note of earthquake safety (My husband gave me earthquake preparedness lessons after that first time, and they actually came in handy in our years in California.): Never run outside during an earthquake. Debris from buildings as well as the walls tend to fall away from the building. Find a doorway to brace yourself in or get under a table. Also, be sure to seek a safe place before tweeting about the incident.

Third. No one knows why earthquakes really happen. Many will cry "Global Climate Change!" I, for one, just figure that Mother Nature, like all females, has her reasons. I don't question her methods; I just try to anticipate her moods and get ready for them. One thing is almost certain, though. She might be a Conservative Mom who's legs couldn't bear the weight of Washington D.C. The Capitol and Congressional buildings are quite a heavy load to carry, and I understand her falter. We share a similar burden--hers being a physical one and ours being the consequences of a bloated federal governmetn. Elections are fast-approaching, and I only hope that we can elect leaders in the future who will work to lighten all of our loads.

Inspired by Recent Events

2011-08-19T21:31:00.003-06:00

Before I park myself on the sofa with my husband and some of my siblings to watch "Wolverine: X-Men Origins" (love those flicks!), I wanted to pass along my two solutions for solving the debt crisis.

The first was inspired by a conversation I had with my brother who is visiting from Washington D.C. He works at that "wretched hive of scum and villany" a.k.a. Capitol Hill. We were discussing how much Senators, Congressmen, and the various staff get paid. Quick detour...I believe in merit-based pay for teachers. Getting back on track...How about merit-based Congressional pay for the government overlords in D.C.? Give the big bucks to the good guys and a pittance to the bad guys. The process of determining merit to be decided at a later time...

My second solution. Understanding that this government has been operating without a budget for the last few years (not that the ones in the past have mattered--paging Dave Ramsey.), I think we need incentive to stay under any future budget. Here's my idea. When the budget is presented, each Senator and Representative study it. For every earmark each Congressional leader successfully eliminates, they get a, let's say, 4% cut of that amount. So, if Senator Rubio eliminates a 3 million-dollar earmark for the Emotional Rehabilitation of the Sea Turtle, he gets 4% of $3 million--tax free--straight into his pocket.

The remaining 96% goes into "The Pot" (Libertarians'll like that name.) After the budget has been slashed to pretty little pieces and there is nothing left to cut, The Pot is then divided by 250 million--or however many taxpayers there are on the IRS website that year. Each taxpayer will subsequently receive their portion of the remaining 96%--tax free also.

These ideas are merely suggestions, but if a little 'ol stay-at-home mom who's brain has become a tabernacle of mush can come up with Two plans, I believe that the legions of thinkers in Washington can come up with a few more too.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2011-08-17T20:38:00.003-06:00

My mom called today. When asked how my morning was going, I informed her that it was a day to clean the beds. You see, our oldest daughter wet the bed. Then, I noticed that our dog, who's bed is next to our daughter's, had somehow received a bloody nose during the night and bled all over hers. I scrapped our school-clothes shopping spree, opting for a trip to the vet instead. However, I knew that plan would have to be postponed when I opened our youngest daughter's door and was greeted by the smell of barf. So much for my day.

All I have to say is Thank goodness for vinegar. I've heard people sing its praises for its uncanny ability to clean all sorts of things like hard water stains as well as its laundry-freshening power (ironic when you think about how bad the stuff smells in the first place). I did 7 or 8 loads of laundry today and added about 1/2 cup to the bedding as well as the whites. Everything is now clean and deodorized, and that--as Martha would say--is a good thing.

Michele Bachmann and the Myth of Submission

2011-08-12T21:16:00.006-06:00

First and foremost, anyone who implies that a President Bachmann would not act in any way without the blessing/direction/command of her husband is an idiot. That was the attempt at Thursday's night debate--to plant a picture in your mind of a woman who sits in the Oval Office in constant deference to her husband's commands. Honey, tell me what to do about National Defense. What should I do in regards to Social Security? Let me rub your feet while you tell me how to run this country. Good for the people who boo'd the question.

With that being said, Submission and being submissive is not always a bad thing. For instance, every Saturday my husband says, "You need to get out. I'll watch the girls, and you go shopping." Weeeell, if you say so...

A quick Google search of the word "submissive" brought up the phrase humbly obedient--not blindly. To be humble is to be teachable. It's possible for a person to go along with what someone else may suggest because they realize that there is possibly something to be gained from the experience.

For example, I have a friend in my neighborhood. She is the mother of 4 boys, the youngest two who happen to be identical twins. One evening while at the park with our own daughters I saw her just before she was to set out on a quick jog. I joked that she was making all of the other moms look bad, and she admitted that she would rather not go. But her husband said, "Honey, get on your running shoes and run. I don't care where you go, just go. It will do you good." (She had mentioned it was a particularly rough day.)

We talked about that for a few minutes. Guess what? It's not the first time that's happened. Each time she has a bad day, he tells her to run. And she chooses to go along with what he's suggested because she's learned from experience that sometimes he's right. It does do her good. She gains a clearer mind which helps her be a better mom, wife, and friend. What's so bad about that?

Second, submission also implies that one is docile or tame. Meet Daisy.

She is my dog, a 4-year-old Greater Swiss Mountain Dog. The Swissy is a drafting breed in the Working Group. The breed was developed to work on farms, specifically to pull milk carts for farmers to poor to buy horses, and at the day's end, when the farmer was too weary to walk on his own, the farmer would hop in the wagon. After climbing and pulling heavy loads up and down the hills and mountains of the Swiss Alps, the faithful dog would draw on its strength to carry the master home. With a history such as that, Daisy is a very large dog built for power. It never fails to have someone stop us on our walks to comment, "Wow! That's a BIG dog."

In spite of her size, Daisy is a very submissive dog. You want to see docile and tame? These are a few common sights in our home.

She doesn't look so intimidating with a blue headband on, but if you were to walk in my house unannounced and posed any kind of threat to my family, you wouldn't be able to get away from her fast enough. Even with a basket around her neck, she can emit such a low, guttural growl, you might find your heartbeat quicken. Daisy is submissive, but she is not weak.

Yeah, submission isn't always a bad thing. Just imagine what a better America we'd be living in if the people on Capitol Hill followed Michele Bachmann's example and submitted to the will of the people in regards to Healthcare, bailouts, and the debt ceiling.

Blogger Burnout

2011-08-11T11:22:00.007-06:00

I was at my sister's house yesterday, and we talked about my abandoned blog. Honestly, blogging--especially political blogging--is like an emotional workout, and I have come to learn that one must pace themselves. Otherwise, you quit and end up burned out, bloated, and behind.

In an attempt to ease myself back into the world of observation, commentary, and tip-sharing, I will post my most recent facebook status update (written before the Dream Team was announced).
"Not crazy about the idea of a Congressional Super Commission, but I might warm up to the idea if those involved were required to wear costumes and adopt super-hero names. Captain Oblivious, Commander Corruption, and Inept-i-Dude come to mind..."

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2011-05-31T21:28:00.002-06:00

I woke up one morning and wondered if "Family Ties" was available on Netflix instant streaming. Good news. It was! (*Tangent* "The Wonder Years" will be available some time soon. That will be worth the monthly fee itself.)

I spent some time later that day watching this show while I scrapbooked and found myself enjoying the relevance of Alex P. Keaton today. He had Reagan to look up to; we find ourselves looking for the reincarnation. His parents were hippies; we find ourselves being told what do by the ones in Congress. He knew young minds were impressionable; we find ourselves looking for those schools who will teach our children well. Thank goodness for young minds like Alex P. Keaton's who are grown now--ourselves included--and are willing to set things right in the United States and, consequently, the World.

Memorial Day 2011

2011-05-30T09:27:00.003-06:00

I don't know why this song popped into my head today, but it did. So, I'm sharing it with those in mind who returned to their home in Heaven after giving up their lives and homes on Earth. May they rest in peace.

Feel-Good Friday

2011-05-26T21:33:00.002-06:00

Our oldest daughter is a fan of "America's Funniest Videos." Her favorite quote from an episode dedicated to animals is "Cats are agents of Satan." She says this to everyone, and never did she quote the line with more conviction than after the time her Grandma's cat lulled her into a feline web of stealth attack.

"Kitty," you see, likes to play this game where it convinces you that you want to pet it. You oblige. While you pet the cat, you convince yourself that you and Kitty are becoming friends. Then, it happens. Kitty's eyes dilate--SNAP! You haven't even screamed, "OW! The cat bit me!" before the Agent of Satan has retreated to one of its secret lairs. My poor daughter is a pretty sensitive kid, and I think her feelings were hurt more than her hand. Since then, she has made it her mission to teach the world about the evils of felines.

Now, I am a dog person but have had some run-ins with a few nice cats. Namely, my family's (now-deceased) cats, Mouse and Chloe (who only had 3 legs). My daughter dreams of the day where she can meet a "nice" cat. Until then, I'll have to show here this video that shows even a cat can have its tender moments.

A New Path to the Presidency

2011-05-20T18:32:00.004-06:00

It hit me one day that we are a nation of sports fans. At about the same moment I realized that we have a lot of people to choose from to be the Republican nominee for President; however, at times the pickings seem slim. So why not blend America's love for sports with choosing our would-be President.

I went with the names of front-runners and randomly selected the would-be challengers using a high-tech selection process called "Close Your Eyes and Pick Two." I, then, advanced those whose competitors have admitted they have will not seek the Office of The President (but who may consider the VP slot). Lucky, for Huckabee. He was most appropriately matched with Elmer Fudd who, I believe, would have given him a run for his money as far as this competition is concerned.

What remains to be seen is the manner in which each contender would advance to the next rounds. I have considered a series of athletic competitions where one must perform as their values would dictate. For example, in the Debt Reduction Dash competitors would hold a pile of 6,000 pounds of dollar bills. When John Boehner, our M.C., clanks the gavel, each person must look within themselves and determine what is the best way to reduce the deficit. If they believe in slashing taxes, getting rid of entitlements, and eliminating Barney Franks Congressional snack allowance, throw the money and run! However, if reducing the deficit means cutting some taxes and making excuses for entitlement "earners," the competitor must carry several hundred pounds of money with them in an attempt to be the first to cross the finish line. Whoever wins the race is the more conservative and would advance to the next round--"Morality Boxing." (For every scandal, affair, rumor, and slip up the competitor gets punched by the opponent. Last man standing wins.)

I don't know how well this would be received on Capitol Hill, but it sure would make C-SPAN more exciting.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2011-05-10T20:37:00.007-06:00

Summer's comin'! I love summer--swimming, vacations, flip flops, glitter toes. It's been so long I've posted something to help us prepare for/cope with the Barack-alypse, I thought I'd pass along my Top Three Recommendations for Summer Fun. After all, if the world's coming to an end, there's no reason we can't look good when it happens.

Number One: Heeltastic
What can I say? Heeltastic is Fantastic! I describe it as Chapstick for your feet. You just rub it on cracked, dry feet and in about 2 weeks you won't be embarrassed to wear your sandals to that Memorial Day picnic. What worked for me is putting it on--at first--about 3 times a day and wearing socks for about 15 minutes each time. It took about a week for me to notice the results. Now, I just use it in the morning.

I buy mine at Sally Beauty Supply, but I've seen it at Target and Wal*Mart for about ten bucks. I like this stuff because it can really help you stretch out the time between pedicures or simply make your feet look just like you've had one.

Number Two: Fake Hair
One snowy day in January put me over the edge. Before I knew it, I was hitting the "Confirm Reservation" for a week in Disney World for the Summer. Now, a Utah Winter freezes communication in many parts of one's brain, and it didn't occur to me just how hot and humid Florida can get in the summer. When I started to think about it, I figured I could deal with the heat by sporting the official hairdo of a Stay At Home Mom (and 6-year-olds everywhere)--the Ponytail.

One day, I was watching QVC. (It's one of my idiosyncrasies. I like to watch it while I workout--I have no idea why. I've only bought 3 or 4 things in my lifetime from it. I just like watching it. Go figure.) The host was selling something called "Hairdo" which is an elastic band with hair on it. I fell for the product Hook, Line, and Sinker. I could see myself standing in front of Cinderella's castle looking as disheveled as one can in 147% humidity. My make up was smudged, but doggoneit! My Hairdo looked good!

I've worn the toupee (because, come on. Let's be real. That's exactly what it is.) several times and have received TONS of compliments. Girls are always asking what I did to get my hair to look "like that". They're always shocked when I tell them it's totally fake. It's really easy to use. Put your hair in a dewdrop. Then, twist the Hairdo twice. Three seconds to chic.
Fake Hair for Summer

Number Three: Awesome Boardshorts
As I type this a commericial for Jenny Craig comes on and the girl telling her story emerges from a swimming pool. She says something about "not having to anything to hide." My response, "Honey, I've got plenty to hide."

I actually read about the site BoardShortsWorld.com on a Budget forum on the Disney Vacation Planning site I've been frequenting. Someone recommended it, and like the Heeltastic, I was a bit hesitant at first because it sounded like a stupid name. Here's what I liked about the site. First, the products are all Made in the USA. I love that. Second, there are so many cute patterns, styles, and lengths of shorts. Third, you can order swatches of the fabrics ($4.99) to see what pattern would work best. (Be aware the pattern you like may not be available in the size or style you want. Happened to me--no big deal.) Finally, fast shipping. Gotta love that!

My shirts--the North Shore pattern in Navy and Khaki--arrived yesterday, and I could not be happier with them as will those who are at the pool with me this summer. Don't want to scare everybody off. If you go this route, I hope you find something you like.
Board Shorts World Site

There ya go! Three things to help you enjoy those glorious lazy days of Summer.

Osama Bin Laden's Death and A Lingering Question

2011-05-09T13:41:00.002-06:00

Did Osama Bin Laden have The Miranda Rights read to him before he was killed? Just wondering...

My Facebook Status Today

2011-05-02T08:17:00.002-06:00

"America: FTW!"

As the wife of an avid gamer, I've learned that "FTW" is a most appropriate response to last night's news on the death of Osama Bin Laden. Those letters simply mean "For The Win!" It's good news indeed, and I hope that Osama's roommates in hell greet him with those eloquent words, "Payback's a b*****, huh."

Well done to all those involved, and should those Special Forces who delivered the kill remain heroes in anonymity so that they may always be safe.

Why Drilling for Oil is Just Like Using Wrinkle Cream

2011-03-11T12:47:00.005-07:00

First and foremost, thoughts and prayers to the people of Japan. What a horrible tragedy, yet through it all, I find my love of country swelling. America will be called upon to lend her hand and share the burden carried by the Japanese as well as those who have friends and family there. As always and in spite of our own difficulties, the American people will help however possible. What a blessing it is to help our fellow man.

Moving along...

Now, this idea may be beneath the understanding of liberals since they are, according to NPR's Ron Shiller, smarter than Conservatives/Republicans. Personally, I think they'll never understand what I'm saying because it is based on principle, something most liberals lack.

Because Bill Clinton could not pinch hit for Obama this time, Obama had to give today's press conference on oil prices all by himself. *change channel* After I puttered and finished some stuff around the house, I turned back to the news expecting to see more about the situation in Japan. All I could think was Good heavens! He's STILL talking. One comment President Obama made did catch my attention, and it concerned drilling for oil now. He wanted to be perfectly clear and let us know that deciding to drill for oil today doesn't mean it is going to be available tomorrow. Well, duh! Anyone who uses wrinkle cream understands that.

You see, when I was about 25, I decided to stop going in the sun. By that, I mean, I would make an effort to use sunscreen more often and not schedule time 4 times a week to camp out by the pool in the summer with my sunglasses, bottle of Hawaiian Tropic Suntan Oil, and my copy of Gone With the Wind, my favorite poolside read. I did this because I've seen the bacon ladies and didn't want to look like them or appear old before my time. (I've been blessed with a pretty youthful appearance. Once I went to see a taping of Dr. Phil when I was about 26, and the girl admitting everyone had to check my i.d. because she didn't think I was 16 which is how old you needed to be to sit in the audience.) It was a hard choice. I love being tan. It gives your skin a glow. You don't need to wear a lot of make up--burns off pimples. And it's the best cellulite camouflage a girl could ask for. But I gave up my sun goddess status because I knew the decision would pay off eventually.

Fast forward, I'm 33. I'm better off now than when I made that decision 8 years ago. It was a long time coming, but not only do I still look younger than I am (eh, what's a blog without a little bragging?), I also have an added bonus of having reduced my chance of getting skin cancer. However, as Truvy wisely said in the movie Steel Magnolias, "Honey, time marches on, and before you know it, it marching across your face!"

40 is just around the corner. Wrinkles are waiting to set in along my forehead, eyes, and lips. They'll show up at some point, but I can delay it just a little by using wrinkle cream. Sure, I'm in my early thirties but it's not too soon to start preparing for the future. It's kind of a pain, and I don't know how well it will pay off. But in 10 years--and if I look a little younger than what my driver's license says--my efforts will have paid off. I won't have look back and say, "I wish I would've started the process when I had the chance because I am paying the price now." And that is exactly what is happening at the pump.

10 years ago, we were told that it made no sense to start drilling and building new refineries because it would take years for us to see the benefits. Well, here we are at the same spot 10 years later. Gas is creeping up to $4.00/gallon, and the cost of my wrinkle cream is going to go up as a result. It really stinks, but we can avoid the same fate in another ten years and learn from our anti-aging efforts. Sure, it seems pointless now, but when the time comes it will have been one of the smartest decisions we ever made. Do it now because the effort will pay off in the future.

Wisconsin Debacle

2011-02-17T20:51:00.004-07:00

I had a really long post for today, but one thought trumps all of the others. After watching the disgraceful behavior of so many people in Wisconsin, I have come to the realization that the unions are as useful today as pair of control-top pantyhose on an anorexic supermodel.

As for the Wisconsin Senators who have fled in a spectacular display of cowardice, I'll let Uncle Remus teach you the important lesson. (And to anyone who screams about RAAAAAAAcism in Song of the South I do expect you to boycott Disney in all shapes and forms since one of their most successful attractions is Splash Mountain--a whole ride inspired by this movie. ;-)

Remember: You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T11:41:00.002-07:00

It's time for my annual Valentine's Day post. Alas, I only have time to upload one video, and seeing that today should be renamed "Chick Flick Domination Day", I'll post the best one I've got...the one my mom and my sisters love.

Seriously, I show this for the fellas who hate the obligation of this day too. You can have it all to yourself. Make it work for you. Give your little lady a copy of Pride and Prejudice, a Snuggie, a box of chocolates, and a note saying When Mr. Darcy proclaims his love for Elizabeth Bennett the second time (your girlfriend will be impressed you know her name), I can't help but think of you because I love you just as much. Then, while your true love weeps at your sappiness, slip the movie into the DVD player. Once the music begins, you're free. And if you happen to drop the ball this Valentine's Day, just follow the lead of the guys in this video, and proclaim your love in a downpour.

My Egyptian (Incandescent) Light Bulb Moment

2011-02-11T09:18:00.003-07:00

I've never had much interest in Egypt. I rode a camel once, and if I really wanted to see a pyramid, I could drive down to Vegas. Oh, and my brother had a roommate from Egypt--I think his name was Thad. So, I am not really qualified to analyze or give an opinion about what is going on over there. To be be perfectly honest, I didn't even understand what the big deal was and what the effect would be until I heard a reporter, a few minutes ago, make a comment about Mubarak stepping down. All I had to hear was the phrase, Mubarak, an ally of Israel and the light went on in my brain. It may make me a simpleton (see above credentials), but I really believe that less is more on the subject.

ETA: Putting the pieces together: Suez Canal and the pipeline. Egypt's military heavily funded by the United States. Mubarak far from perfect but better than the Muslim Brotha'hood--a bunch of crazies who want power and described as Obama's Intel Chief as non-violent and largely secular. Obama says he wants to see democracy prevail in Egypt, and we know he means the opposite of what he says (which is why he couldn't go on the news and say "I quit smoking.") People on the left are waaaayyy to excited about the events of today, and what is good news to them usually means bad news to us....I like the news better when it's stuff like "Christina Aguilera howls National Anthem."

Celebrating Ronald Reagan's Birthday

2011-02-07T08:51:00.003-07:00

My brother shared this tribute on facebook last night. I decided to pass it along. My childhood was a Reagan childhood. My second-grade teacher had us draw him birthday cards and sent them along with a big bag of jelly beans. I think my parents had a picture of him hanging up in our house. (I do remember a poster hanging up in our den of Oliver North that said "Go Ollie!" although I never understood why because I was just a kid.) And for the family Christmas card one year, my dad had all of us kids pose with a cardboard cutout of Ronald Reagan. (That's me in the blue sweater. There was a stray dog I was calling over during the photo session.)

Needless to say, my parents loooooooved Ronald Reagan, and I can only hope my girls will be able to see the return of such a man to the White House someday.

Photo Phriday

2011-02-04T21:06:00.010-07:00

Last night, I fell asleep trying to make sense out of the mess in Egypt. I don't recommend doing that because you'll end up having nightmares about running away from Egyptian bad guys with your older sister and only a bottle of nasal spray to protect yourselves with. Of course, I think my dreams have been influenced by the Tylenol with Codeine I have coursing through my veins in the evening.

There's this obnoxious virus going around where you end up with a cough that refuses to end. I've had it since the beginning of the January and had a coughing fit that ended up tearing a muscle in my ribcage last Friday. The pain was worse than all of Obama's speeches combined, so it was off to the doctor I went where he, mercifully, gave me a prescription strength cough suppressant (didn't know there was such a thing!) and the Tylenol for the pain. To top it off, I am sporting what I call my "Michelle Obama Belt". It's one of those wide, black belts that weightlifters use to protect their backs. I just hoist the thing up a little higher to stabilize my ribcage and Voila! I look like The First Lady on vacation.

So, I'm on self-prescribed sofa rest until the (pathetic) injury heals. I've read up a tad on the events in Cairo, but it makes my head hurt. Learning to use my new camera makes it hurt less, so I'll share some pictures I've taken with it. I've ventured into the world of the DSLR, and boy, is it an exciting place! Here are some random pictures to go with a random post---pictures where I've fiddled with depth of field, pictures from Vegas (had to go for my brother's wedding), and pictures from around the house. They're nothing amazing, but it's fun to learn new things.

My Greater Swiss Mountain Dog, Daisy. This is her "Blue Steel" look (if you've seen the movie Zoolander).

My dog is very cooperative as long as I have a treat in my hand. Treats are also effective in putting vaseline on her nose which, as you can see, gets as dry as my skin in this Utah air.

Love Radio Flyer! The tricycle in the background was in perfect condition and only cost me $8.00 at the thrift store.

Just trying out the "Running Man" icon.

Here's a Happy Thought

2011-01-24T12:51:00.002-07:00

I was washing the dishes and had a fleeting thought about the State of the Union address. It is going to be awesome this year because old Fancy Nancy has had to relinquish her throne which means we don't have to watch her AND listen to the President speak at the same time. Now, if Joe Biden would just hold up a foam finger that says "I'm #1" during one of the applause lines, it would be the perfect evening.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2011-01-18T14:18:00.002-07:00

20 oz. bottle of Coke
Turkey Sandwich
Bag of M&M's
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Hershey's drops
Rotisserie Chicken

These are all things you need to have on hand to settle your nerves after your trip to the school to make sure your daughter is really there when the school secretary left a message that basically said, "Hello, we just want to let you know that Harper's absence today is unexcused." Scariest. Call. Ever.

Luckily, she's okay. Unfortunately, others have not been so lucky. So, give your little ones and loved ones an extra hug and kiss tonight just because you can.

"Mommy, how do you celebrate Martin Luther King Day?"

2011-01-17T09:41:00.003-07:00

Our daughter asked me this question last week while we were driving home from the store. She had learned about him in school and wanted to know more. I answered her questions with no problem, but this one threw me for a loop. Now, I grew up in Montgomery, Alabama. Believe me when I tell you that I learned about Martin Luther King. Throughout my school days we learned about him and visited several significant sites of the Civil Rights Movement--Selma included. Heck, I even saw Rosa Parks at the local movie theater once when the movie "The Long Walk Home" was showing. (It's a great film, and if you look close, you can see my dad. It was filmed locally, so he and many other Montgomery residents were able to have their moment on the big screen.)

With that being said, never once in all my years in Alabama do I remember celebrations on Martin Luther King day. Sure, there were news stories and tributes, maybe moments of silence, but I don't recall parades, floats, balloons, or gifts. So, when our daughter asked me how we celebrate, I answered her the best I could. "Well, geez Harper, you get out of school and take advantage of all of the sales like everybody else." That response seemed sufficient. So, I guess we'll do just that, and be glad we can all shop together.

Atticus Finch and the Shooting in Arizona

2011-01-10T13:53:00.008-07:00

TV and radio news have had continuous discussions concerning the shooting that took place in Arizona over the weekend. It's a terrible story to be sure, and as I have been reading and listening about what happened, I found Jared Loughner's favorite books to be interesting. Many people have pointed out that his favorite books were, well are since this--insert your favorite personal, profanity-laced derogatory term here--is still alive...his favorite books are The Communist Manifesto and Mein Kampf (old Adolf's autobiography which, in English, translates into "My Struggle"). To Loughner's distorted eyes, these books are considered to be "good reads".

However, it is the presence of "To Kill a Mockingbird" on Loughner's reading list that has me stumped. I guess he identified with Bob Ewell because anyone with a shred of decency and who claims to enjoy this book would always keep in mind the lesson of Atticus Finch and not end the life of something that does nothing but act as a source of joy and embodies innocence. I hear the admonition of Atticus' father and think, mostly, about the 9 year-old girl whose life was ripped away by a madman. *sigh*

Perry Como Had it Right

2011-01-05T12:54:00.003-07:00

Oh, it's a good day!

Elf Mischief: The Final Evening

2010-12-24T12:26:00.003-07:00

Last night marked the end of Cocoa's and Flip's two-week observation at our house. I feel a surge of Mom-ness after the past 14 days and think to myself Who does Santa think he is to judge? Have you seen what his elves did to my house? Juuuusssttt kidding. It has been quite the adventure, and I am sure it will be a bittersweet parting for our daughter who has requested a photo session with the elves before they have to leave with Santa tonight and return to their duties at the North Pole. Hoping that she and the baby wouldn't forget them, Cocoa and Flip returned with a early gift of new Christmas jammies for each of the girls. (I don't know if the little helpers ever forgave the dog for trying to eat them. I guess we'll have to see if Santa leaves her any treats and chew toys as a peace offering).

Elf Mischief: Days 11 and 12 (I think...I've lost Count)

2010-12-23T08:53:00.008-07:00

Day 11: Mission Impossible
Our daughter has been on a "Penguins of Madagascar" kick, and the elves have really taken to the show. I know this because we walked out and found them suspended on harnesses from the ceiling fan wearing special, elf-sized night vision goggles.

They appeared to be on some sort of secret, spying mission...

...which was to try and take the fish from The Penguins secret hideout.

Day 12: Do Not Leave Gift Baskets Unattended
My mom called last night to see if a package had arrived. I checked, and sure enough there was a box of yummy somethings from "Harry and David" (world's BEST pears, if I may add). Inside was a basket with cookies and cakes. I guess I am a girl with an eye for sweets because I did not notice the obvious oddity for a basket sent two days before Christmas.

My mom asked what the ribbon said. "With Sympathy"...huh?! My dad, in an effort to get the basket guaranteed by Christmas had the "Harry and David" rep send a funeral basket since they were sure comfort food would reach it's destination on time because the Christmas orders were backing up. After a quick look at the chocolate chocolate chunk cookies and pound cakes, I realized that "With Sympathy" was the perfect sentiment seeing that such snacks will be the death of my thighs.

So, there's the background story. Well, we left the basket on the counter and woke up to find--what, at first, our 6-year-old thought was a manger but was actually--a great big mess.

Elf Mischief: Day 10

2010-12-21T08:56:00.002-07:00

Oh what fun it is to ride in a red and golden sleigh!

Elf Mischief: Days 8 and 9

2010-12-20T08:32:00.005-07:00

Day 8: A Midnight Snack!

Day 9: Our daughter had commented that she hoped the elves would behave during the night because she felt bad that I had to clean up the messes. I guess they took that to heart and decided to play some Hide-N-Seek and swing from the lights. Hey, Mom! Now I know why they call him "Flip"!

Elf Mischief: Day 7

2010-12-18T07:30:00.007-07:00

Last night marked the official "One Week 'til Christmas Eve" countdown. It looks like the elves gathered all of our daughters' furry friends--from the biggest to the smallest--and took the time to remind them why we celebrate Christmas.

Elf Mischief: Day 6

2010-12-17T16:16:00.002-07:00

After watching our daughter treat us to a one-kid play of Books 1, 3, and 7 of the How to Train Your Dragon series, the elves decided to have a dragon-sized night of fun.

While we were sleeping, Cocoa put in the movie How to Train Your Dragon while Flip sneaked into our daughter's room to get her dragon toys.

Cocoa preferred to curl up with blanket and the books. To top off the evening they both had some popcorn, and Cocoa, in keeping with the night's theme, utilized a Viking helmet as a bowl.

Elf Mischief: Day 5

2010-12-16T10:23:00.006-07:00

Our first-grader is participating in "Christmas Around the World". Each day this week they have gone to different classrooms and learned about how people celebrate Christmas in different countries. Her favorite thing to learn about was the dreidel, so when she came home with her own version of it and instructions on how to use it, she invited all of us to play. Sitting us down and gathering some Skittles, she explained the rules. Little did we know that Fred and Cocoa were listening as well and forming their plans for the evening.

I guess the Skittles didn't sound as fun because they cleared the coffee table, brought out the change jar, and busted open the Christmas piggy bank for a little bit of high-stakes dreidel gaming.

Elf Mischief: Day 4

2010-12-15T09:45:00.003-07:00

It took us a bit longer than normal, but we finally got our Christmas tree decorated. I guess Cocoa and Flip decided that they wanted to decorate one too. And what's a Christmas tree without a few presents underneath?

Elf Mischief: Day 3

2010-12-13T21:10:00.002-07:00

You gotta love the American Girl Doll stuff. I have two desks, one for Samantha and one for Molly. Cocoa and Flip were just the right size, well with a couple of the baby's board books. I guess they are having too much fun being away from the North Pole and decided that using the desks for doing crossword puzzles would be a great way to pass the time.

Elfcapades: 2010

2010-12-12T20:56:00.007-07:00

In an effort to curtail bad behavior at this time of year, Santa has begun sending elves to various houses across the globe to keep an eye on the children who live there. Such elves are required to report back to him nightly until Christmas Eve. In the early days of this new program, the elves would sit quietly and submit their reports faithfully. As the last few Christmases have passed, the elves have become more adventurous. What began as simple games of hide-and-seek has turned into full-blown elf mischief that occurs after reporting to the North Pole and when all in the house are to be sleeping.

It just so happens that our daughter has several friends in her class who have been lucky enough for an "Elf on a Shelf" assignment. Last year, she wondered why an elf didn't come to our house after hearing about the antics of Fred and Sally, who happen to be the elves assigned to her cousins' home. This year, the elves have returned to their assigned locations while we remained elfless once again. Such was our daughter's disappointment, she began seeing imaginary elves in our house. Lucky for her, Fred and Sally put in a good word to the Big Man himself, and he sent some elves to our home the other night (complete with wrapping paper that said "Special Delivery from Santa's Workshop." thank you very much).

Cocoa, the first elf, had been working at one of the hot chocolate stations in Santa's workshop when he asked if she would like to come to our house. She was very excited and came with a warning from Santa: She loves to play hide-and-go-seek so don't be surprised if you wake up to find her in your tree. Santa also sent an elf named Flip who works in the reindeer barn feeding and grooming the reindeer. Like Cocoa, Flip has a tendency towards mischief and both elves have made mornings for our daughter absolutely delightful.

Day 1: Santa was right. Cocoa loves to hide and it would seem that Flip talked her into helping him decorate our ornamentless tree with some of our daughter's teddy bears. They hopped out of their bunk bed and hauled her teddy bear bin into the den and fit whoever they could onto the tree, but not before hiding amongst the branches themselves.

Yep. That was fun news to hear at 5:15 this morning when our daughter came in asking for a flashlight to see them better.

That was last night's antics, and I am hoping that tonight's don't disappoint. You see, I am guessing that Flip and Cocoa must have been playing in her room while we were at church and found her Avatar: The Last Airbender dvds. Now, I don't know if they have seen the cartoon, but the whole concept of a flying bison ("Appa") was just too appealing. After she fell asleep a few hours ago, those sneaky elves went into her room, picked out some of her Avatar books, and hopped into bed only to hop right back out and make the dream of a flying bison a reality.

Thank goodness we have a fruit stand that they can climb. Whew!

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-12-07T13:56:00.003-07:00

Dog-gone tax deal. I really don't like the news during the holidays, but this got my attention. And all I have to say about it is what I was thinking while mopping our girls' bathroom. Man, Obama. That dude's like a bad haircut. You know what that's like. You're all excited for the new look only to walk away in tears, (kind of like my best friend who wanted a cute Meg Ryan-shag haircut but ended up with a helmet head). It's not what you wanted but what are you gonna do? You're stuck with the mess until enough time passes for it to grow to a decent length. You go into "hair survival mode" and salvage what's left by changing your make up, making up nicknames for yourself, or by adding extensions which is exactly what they did with the Bush tax cuts. Stuck, Salvage, and Extend.

I know it's not much, but it's about as philosophical as one can get while negotiating turns with a Swiffer Wet Jet as a toy snowman raps in the background.

One of My All-time Favorite Christmas Songs

2010-12-06T11:43:00.003-07:00

I've listened to Rush for many years. When we were kids, my parents would take us on car trips and would turn on the radio to whatever AM station they could find so they could listen to Rush. Since these events occurred before the dawn of the iPod, we just had to listen.
Confined in a giant blue and white van (the BMW as it was called--Big Mormom Wagon), Rush would prattle away. His show seemed to go on forever, but my parents were faithful listeners. It did not matter how much static interfered with Rush's program; they kept listening. To this day, I cannot stand even the slightest amount of static on my radio because it reminds me of those car trips and that awful Kwischshhhhsskwhoooosshhhh sound. The funny thing is, my subconscious must have been able to sort through and harvest anything useful Rush may have said over the years.

One of the best pieces of advice that he has ever given, him being a Doctor of Democracy and all that, is to not pay attention to the news for two weeks if you want to feel better about yourself and the world. I take that the extra mile during the holidays and, for the most part, don't pay any attention at all to the news. It's probably why I am in such a good, well less-frustrated, mood. I don't worry about saving the world as much as I worry about buying stuff in it. I take a break from it all and enjoy the sights and sounds of the holidays. So, don't be surprised if, over the next few weeks, I talk more about Santa than I do Barack Obama (although I do have to say that I would LOVE to see him and Michelle be Todd and Sarah Palin's guests on an episode of "Sarah Palin's Alaska". Oh, what a gift that would be...Watching the President try to shoot a rifle or see the First Lady try to club a Halibut between the eyes....Maybe I could put it on my Christmas list?)

With that being said, here is one of my favorite and highly elusive Christmas carols. It is by Natalie Sleeth and is called Baby, What You Goin' to Be?. This is an old recording, but it can still stir the soul this time of year.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-11-30T13:18:00.006-07:00

This Christmas we decided to try something new--a Budget. Usually, we gather our lists and have at it. On Christmas Day our living room looks like Santa decided to quit for the night, leaving the rest of the world's presents behind. I have to admit, I love the drama of it all, but after a couple of hours our 6-year-old gets a little tired. How much more is there? I must have been a REALLY good girl this year. Now, don't get me wrong. She's grateful for everything--we all are--but when it comes time to put all of the new toys away, I wonder where I can put it. Hence, the budget and our annual "We will only get her what is on her list." It only took one trip to Target to test my commitment to that statement.

The shopping is done, minus a few odds and ends, which meant I needed a quick stroll past the toy aisle. I saw something that would be SO FUN for the basement. It is, quite simply, an basketball hoop that you can attach to the wall. Now, our daughter has expressed zero interest in such a toy, but I imagined her and her cousins playing exciting games of H.O.R.S.E. (until one of the babies takes the ball and refuses to give it back). Then again, she already has made her Santa list and an indoor basketball hoop was not on it. But it would be so fun. I went back and forth on whether or not to buy this for her (or even better, have Santa's elves make her one--I can rationalize anything). In the end, and much to what will be my husband's and Santa's delight, I decided "maybe some other time." And to be honest, it's not because I wanted to stick to the budget but because I remembered a really funny Saturday Night Live skit that, at this time of year, is something we can all relate to.

Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford or in my case just Don't Buy Stuff.

"Blessed are Those Who Laugh at Themselves

2010-11-29T15:23:00.009-07:00

for they shall never cease to be amused." I saw that on a stamp once, and I still think it's funny. Then, I saw this video and figured since the Christmas season in it's early days, we should treat ourselves with the gift of laughter.

What TSA Really Means: Totally Sexually Abusive

2010-11-22T20:14:00.007-07:00

Last night, I saw this video of a young boy being treated to a patdown without his shirt. Immediately, I put it up on Facebook and told my friends to pass it along as did many others. Needless to say, I was shocked at what I saw. It was a video taken by a student at Utah Valley University and was filmed at the Salt Lake International Airport. Before you watch the video, read the student's description of what happened before, during, and after the video was taken.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSQTz1bccL4
(or copy and paste it since I can't figure out how to make the link work. I really need to do that...)
Here is what I have to say. All TSA agents, from here on out and as far as I am concerned will be referred to as perverts, molesters, voyeurs, and sickos. I don't care if they are innocent people who are "just doing their job". That is a video of an innocent family who is "just going on vacation". Turnabout is fair play. The abuse and humiliation that is being heaped upon innocent people is completely unwarranted. (I can't recall the last time a crazed nun in her Catholic zealously and in the name of Pope Benedict took over a plane in order to crash it into a building although they did crash a bar scene in the movie Sister Act, but I digress...) If a TSA agent and his/her superiors want to label someone as a terrorist threat for choosing to fly, I'll label you as a piece of trash for choosing to snap on your rubber gloves. And since you're not changing those gloves as you move from crotch to crotch, I'll add, just for kicks, the name "STD Peddler" as well.

Eliminate the TSA: Fly Naked or Go Home

2010-11-15T12:25:00.010-07:00

Did you see the latest video of a potential threat to National Security?

Obviously, this little girl is a member of the Teddy Bear Terrorist branch of Al Qaeda. These little tykes are adept at creating explosives out of their mom's lip gloss and the Brick Orange crayon from their box of crayolas. Throw in a lock of Barbie's hair, stuff the creation into your teddy bear, and BAM! Unfortunately, all of that plotting during preschool gets derailed by those sentries of safety--The TSA. Her displeasure at being separated from her teddy bear is a clear signal that she is hiding something more sinister deep within the stuffing of Mr. Fluffykins. She's not afraid to have her teddy bear taken away; she's afraid she'll get caught! *SNAP* go the plastic gloves. Your baby is about to revealed to be the National Threat she really is.

If that's not enough to get your ire up, how about this one? Watch and tell me why a 3-year-old little boy needs to have his crotched grabbed?

I see stuff like this and I predict that members of NAMBLA will be scrambling to submit applications with the hopes of being your son's screener just to "make sure" he's not hiding anything dangerous.

Now, I wonder and some would say that I am overreacting. But when I see this...

I know that I am not. It also brings to mind the image (sorry I can't find it) of an elderly man who can barely hold himself up on his motorized scooter. He is leaning to the side while some SuperHero/TSA agent is using the wand to make sure the man has not laced his shoes with a bomb. Are you kidding me? Now, I went to Catholic school and the students used to call the convent by the elementary school the "Nunnery Gunnery", but I really don't think my Science teacher built bombs after tending to the needy and downtrodden. In fact, if they ever wanted to kill anyone it would be the students because we were obnoxious. As for the old man on the rascal, HE CAN'T EVEN SIT UP!!!! But somehow, 3-year-olds (who we endlessly teach that NOBODY is to touch their private parts), nuns, and grandparents need to be stroked and poked by some stranger with latex gloves because they could be as dangerous as Mohamed Atta or the Fruit of the Kaboom guy. Keep it up, TSA, and I recommend part of your training should involve a trip to Alaska and practicing your patdowns on some cubs. Just don't be surprised when the Mama Bear's instincts to protect her kids kick in. At some point, this procedure will go too far (not that it already hasn't).

Now, please excuse me while I have a Susan Powter moment...

*Whew* That always feels better. Obviously, the whole patdown thing bothers me as far as kids, handicapped, elderly, and married to Jesus are concerned. If you're an adult who has no problem with it, um, Great! In fact, I would wager that there are would-be customers in the internet gaming world who kind of like the idea of human touch. They may finally leave their basements with a ticket to Timbuktu just for the experience. They'll just close their eyes and pretend that that guy feeling their thigh is really their Level 78, scantily clad yet wielding the Club of Nirvana, Rogue-Shaman Priestess. But for those who are not in the mood to be accosted but need to fly (I realized there are plenty of you out there--Safe Travels.) There is always Line B--The Playboy Photo Shoot also known as the Inverted Body Scanner.

Now, I've had kids. I've given birth; heck, my sister did so with an audience of medical school students, so I have no pride left when it comes to my figure. We'll leave it at that. However, there is no way on God's Green Earth that I will let some person get a peek at my daughters. Their innocence needs to be protected and I am their first line of defense. On that battle field I am one Hell of a soldier. With that being said, because it needs to be, there are plenty of others who would see the body scan as the lesser of two evils. Should you choose this form of security--or should it be insecurity since most of us hate the way we look with clothes on?--please join with me in convincing the TSA to adopt a more enjoyable way to be scanned.

For the men, I recommend that they be allowed to pose as either Michelangelo's "David"

or Rodin's "The Thinker"

For the ladies, how about a little bit of Venus de Milo? Just pretend your arms are missing.

So, there you go. An otherwise humiliating experience turned into something educational. What's even better is that it's almost like you are the statue as strangers gaze intently at your form.

As for the radiation from these Inverted Blah Blah Blah, well this post has gotten long enough. I will just remind you what happened to David Banner when he was exposed to too much radiation.

RRRRAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!

But is all of this really necessary? I don't think so. While I sit firmly at Camp Profile, I don't think too many of the powers that be sit alongside me. That is why we just need to cut to the chase. Fly naked. It eliminates the TSA and their need for patdowns as well as reduces radiation exposure, and since you've already had that photo taken, why not? Of course, I'll do none of the above, so I'll just go home with my sanity, my kids' dignity in tact, and a couple of extra bucks in my pocket.

What I Learned About Minivans

2010-11-12T09:29:00.002-07:00

Each weekday morning, I load the girls into the car and make the short drive to the local elementary school where, if I time it just right I can make it out of the drop-off zone alive and with my sanity still in tact. Today, I got stuck behind a minivan. I was mesmerized by what happened next. The door opened (probably with the touch of a button next to the steering wheel) and kids started piling out. I swear the car couldn't handle the load and just started to vomit children--there must have been 300. I looked around and saw similar occurrences with various Odyssey's, Town and Country's, and Sienna's. It was at that moment I realized that your minivan can double as a clown car. Honk! Honk!

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-11-09T19:58:00.003-07:00

The Lesson I Learned about Skinny Jeans.

Besides the fact that teenage boys shouldn't be wearing them, I just want to caution you that buying a pant where the fit is described as "skinny" should stop you from buying it in a "slim" fit as well. Because, not only will it be too tight, it will be twice as too tight.

COMING SOON: DemoChrissy, Tales of America's Loneliest Democrat

2010-11-08T11:45:00.002-07:00

While I was cleaning Macaroni & Cheese and peas from the baby's high chair tray, I had the radio tuned into Rush ("the fastest 3 hours in media" can be a god-send for a stay-at-home mom some days). I heard the word "democracy" but in my mind I saw it spelled "DemoChrissy", and I thought Wouldn't it be funny to write cautionary tales for kids--young and old--about the dangers of following the advice or trying to be like America's liberal superstars? Okay, so the thought wasn't that complete of a sentence, it was more like this:

Once upon a time, Chrissy overheard the President talk about punishing their enemies. Chrissy thought about a girl at school who wouldn't let her copy her math homework, which was a really "mean" thing to do. Chrissy decided to follow the advice she heard on the T.V. So, the next day when the "mean" girl was walking in front of Chrissy on the way to school, Chrissy ran up and pulled the girl's hair and pushed her into a pile of mud--on PICTURE day. Everyone was shocked and nobody sat by Chrissy at lunch or played with her that day.

The End.

Now that I Know What "Repudiate" Means

2010-11-04T20:30:00.003-06:00

I honestly think that reporters/joournalists/talk show hosts are being offered bonuses for each time they can use this word in reference to Tuesday's election. I have heard it so many different times in different ways--noun, verb, past tense, present tense--I had to double check the meaning of repudiate.

to divorce or separate formally from (a woman)

to refuse to have anything to do with : disown

to refuse to accept; especially : to reject as unauthorized or as having no binding force
to reject as untrue or unjust

to refuse to acknowledge or pay

Now that we're on the same page, I can think of a few more things I'd like to repudiate.

1. My weight (Those maternity sweatpants really did shrink in the wash!)
2. Carpools
3. That sink full of dirty dishes
4. Those shirts that need to be ironed
5. An empty gas tank (well, until the car gives out on the side of the road)
6. That Santa does not live at the North Pole
7. That people "LOL" when instant messaging
8. That Star Trek is cooler than Star Wars
9. Closets that need to be thinned out and reorganized
10. The telephone
11. Someone at the door
12. Mom. Mom. Mooom. Moooommmm! MOOOMMMMMM! MOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYY! (WHAT?!)
13. The dog staring at me
14. The dog standing next to the bed and staring at me
15. The dog standing next to the bed with her head resting on the bed and staring at me
16. The dog standing next to the bed with her head resting on the bed while her nose touches my leg and staring at me (WHAT?!)
17. Crying, whining kids in the car (Grip the steering wheel. You're almost home.)
18. Those people at mall kiosks who want to sell me Secrets of the Dead Sea
19. That 80's fashion has made a comeback
20. Bedtime

And last, but not least, that the people in India really did pick the coconuts off the palm trees lest one fall off and hit the President on his head. Did they not watch his reaction to the election? He repudiated the idea that the American People really don't like his policies. It takes a pretty thick skull to ignore those election results. If that doesn't penetrate his noggin, nothing will. But just in case some coconuts are looking at the sky from the ground, allow me to send you into the weekend with a rather cheery song to honor them.

Heh.

2010-11-03T13:02:00.003-06:00

I hope I find many of you as I am today, tired and still in your P.J.'s after staying up too late to watch election results. Was that fun or what?! Of course, I would've liked to see the tsunami crash over the Senate as well, but I get over it pretty quickly when I imagine Nancy Pelosi digging frantically in a California desert trying to hide her gavel. (I don't envy the person who has to take it from her. I suggest that whoever ends up with that job should go straight to the fire department and request to use the Jaws of Life.) So, in a night of wins and losses, a few thoughts in no particular order:

Christine O'Donnell: She held her head high throughout the race and I would've liked to see her win. As for the whole witch thing. It never really bothered me because, as I told my sister, most females are guilty of practicing/participating in some form of witchcraft once a month.

Blanche Lincoln: See ya! The nice thing about being from Arkansas is that there are plenty of Wal*Marts, and with the holidays coming she should be able to get her application in on time so that she can help restock all of the customers' returns in the New Year.

Allen West: Love this guy and look forward to seeing more of him in the future. I told my brother, who was excited to have shook Newt Gingrich's hand, that Allen is the one he should try to meet simply because I think he's an incognito superhero.

Russ Feingold: Please pass the Funeral Potatoes. My only concern is who will John McCain sit with in the lunchroom now?

Harry Reid: Sorry, but I don't buy this one. (Conspiracy theory alert!!!) His name was already selected on some ballots, a reported power outage at one polling place, and the influence of the bigwigs at Harrah's on their employees make me think this race wasn't quite kosher. Add to that the fact that his son lost the governor's race, and I shake my head. After all, like father like son right? So, if the people of Nevada think Harry Reid is such a great leader that they send him back to the Senate why not have his son lead the state. Hmmm......

California: There are no words. Oh wait! I can think of one: Whammy!

John Boehner's Speech: I liked it and believe his emotion to be true and genuine. I think it would serve him well to, periodically, find floors to mop just to remind him of his roots and to foster the values he learned long ago.

Barack Obama's Speech: He used the word "humbling". Let's face it. If he felt a twinge of humility from the spanking his team took last night, he'd cancel that $200 million per day ego trip to India. After all, that is more than those "fat cats" on Wall Street he hates so much make in a year.

All-in-all it was a good night. What's even better is that the House in Washington got cleaned up a bit and it inspired me to clean my own. So with mopped floors, straightened bookshelves, and dusted furniture I say enjoy the moment. And a moment it must only be because guess what! We get to do this all over again in two years! Yay!

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-11-02T14:54:00.004-06:00

Ahhhhh...It's nice to see this day since starting this blog. After a quick trip to the doctors for the baby's vaccinations, I went to my local polling place and got my "I Voted" sticker although it really should've read "I Retaliated". It was glorious to see "Mike Lee" as the choice for U.S. Senate after Bob Bennett got the boot a few months ago. And since this is Utah and I hope to witness the deaths of many political careers tonight, I plan on eating a local delicacy--Funeral Potatoes. Yum and Happy Voting!

The Myth Bustin' President

2010-10-18T21:32:00.002-06:00

Seriously. I saw this on HotAir:

http://hotair.com/archives/2010/10/18/next-tv-appearance-for-obama-mythbusters/

In an episode of “Mythbusters” on the Discovery Channel to be shown on Dec. 8, President Obama will help determine whether the Greek scientist Archimedes really set fire to an invading Roman fleet using only mirrors and the reflected rays of the sun…

“Did Greek scientist and polymath Archimedes set fire to an invading Roman fleet using only mirrors and the reflected rays of the sun?” a press release for the show asks. “Will Adam and Jamie be able to pull this off, or will they have to report back to the president that they failed?”

Producers of the television series are not saying exactly how Mr. Obama will help prove — or disprove — that myth. But the first presidential appearance is intended to help spur interest in math and science as part of the White House effort to increase American competitiveness in those subjects.

I have to confess I am a little disappointed. I was hoping we'd find out if Joe Biden actually passed the third grade. Instead, it's just an experiment involving a bunch of mirrors...oh wait, that explains Obama's interest in the show. They can claim "spur[ring] interest in math" but if he actually cared about adding and subtracting, he wouldn't be adding to the deficit and subtracting from our wallets would he? Myth: Busted!

Correcting Michael Steele

2010-09-15T11:14:00.002-06:00

But First, a congratulations to Christine O'Donnell in Delaware and a thank you to everyone who voted for her. I love that that the cool kids' table in the Capitol Hill Cafeteria is being infiltrated by outsiders. And speaking of the cool kids, we need to address Michael Steele's attempts to bring down the Queen Bee, Nancy Pelosi. He is rolling out the Fire Pelosi Bus Tour. While I admire his efforts to dethrone her, I find it necessary to correct and remind him that you can't fire her. As everybody knows, you need a bucket of water to destroy the Wicked Witch of the West.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-09-14T12:39:00.002-06:00

Yay! Destructo-Congress is back in session! With so many "careers" at stake, I can only imagine that there has been a run on Depends throughout the D.C. area. Bladder control among America's Congressmen becomes weaker with each passing day. As we inch towards the November elections and, hopefully, a clean sweep of Capitol Hill, we can sit back and watch the frenzy. Now that so many politicians are having to face the reality of their choices, tax cuts are as appealing as tax hikes and that vote for ObamaCare was probably a bad idea. What did Jeremiah Wright, Obama's spiritual mentor, say? The chickens have come home to roost! It's been said that Karma is a Bitch, or as I recently learned, she's a Babe in Total Control of Herself. Lucky for us, she's controlling the Congress as well.

Burning The Koran or as it is Being Conveniently Referred to Now--The Holy Book of Islam

2010-09-09T10:37:00.003-06:00

You know, being a Mormon and living in Utah, my first thought is If this pastor in Florida were to have a mass Book of Mormon bonfire, would everyone be so appalled and upset by that demonstration? The answer is, Of course not because most of Mormons would roll their eyes and go about the daily tasks of harvesting grain, making babies, and kowtowing to overly-dominant husbands...annnnnnd there goes my train of thought

I had written more, but you know what, I think the best way to mark the anniversary of September 11 is to watch and remember. For a lot of people, our minds have tucked away the emotions we felt as we watched the horror unfold. I hope they are not buried so deep that we have forgotten all that was lost and those who remain scarred to this day. I don't know what will happen or how it will all play out, but I won't let the actions of some random preacher in Florida garner the attention that should be paid to the events of September 11, 2001. While the smoke rises from a pile of burning books, remember that which filled the air 9 years ago this Saturday.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-09-06T21:16:00.003-06:00

A quick 10-minutes-before-bedtime post.

Forever the victim, President Obama declared today that Special Interests "talk about [him] like a dog."

Wait a second...Most people talk about you like you're a petulant man-child and would say--in terms you understand--But you started it!! At the first press conference since his ascension, he tackled the tough topic of what dog the Obama family should acquire, taking into account (rightfully so) his daughter's allergies. If anyone is talking about you like a dog, they are just following your lead. Simply skip to the 1-minute mark to see what I mean.

With all due respect. I would never talk about you like a dog. I think our four-legged friends deserve more respect than to be brought down to your level. A dog is man's best friend, and you, President Obama, are not. In fact, I think you are more closely aligned to the cat. I remember hearing that if an owner were to die, the dog would lay its head on the owner's chest until it died as well. But a cat. Well, the cat would simply take the owner's wallet and walk away. 'Nuff said.

Arizona. Seriously?

2010-08-25T14:56:00.005-06:00

It's the first day of school in my neck of the woods, but I just had to see how the race in Arizona between John McCain and J.D. Hayworth went. I know pickings were slim in the land of eternal dirt (as one of my best friends in high school referred to it when she found out her family was moving there) but come on. You are in the throes of an illegal immigration battle, and returning to his ivory castle in Washington D.C. is the guy who won't do anything about it. Way to go, chumps. (I can say that because it takes one to know one. You see it is with great regret I have to admit voting for Arnold for Governor when I should have gone with my gut and voted for *Tom McClintock--still mad at myself for that one.) He'll turn his back on you in 3...2...1...if he hasn't already.

*Oops! I wrote "Scott" and meant Tom.

For the Harry Potter Fans

2010-08-23T11:03:00.002-06:00

While the request that reporters not refer to the mosque that is to built at Ground Zero as the "Ground Zero Mosque" happened a few days ago, I just can't help myself. Here's an excerpt from the AP memo:

1. We should continue to avoid the phrase "ground zero mosque" or "mosque at ground zero" on all platforms. (We’ve very rarely used this wording, except in slugs, though we sometimes see other news sources using the term.) The site of the proposed Islamic center and mosque is not at ground zero, but two blocks away in a busy commercial area. We should continue to say it’s “near” ground zero, or two blocks away.

WE WILL CHANGE OUR SLUG ON THIS STORY LATER TODAY from “BC-Ground Zero Mosque” to “BC-NYC Mosque.”

In short headlines, some ways to refer to the project include:

_ mosque 2 blocks from WTC site
_ Muslim (or Islamic) center near WTC site
_ mosque near ground zero
_ mosque near WTC site

We can refer to the project as a mosque, or as a proposed Islamic center that includes a mosque.

I can do better than that and recommend that reporters now refer to the Ground Zero Mosque as "Volde-Mosque", "You-Know-What", or "The-Mosque-That-Must-Not-Be-Named".

Late-Night Palette Cleanser

2010-08-20T21:45:00.003-06:00

As much fun as I have griping, complaining, and poking fun at the Political World around us, it's nice to see something amazing that reminds you what life is truly all about. I saw this video a few months ago, and it absolutely tugged at my heartstrings. It is a peek into a family's experience of seeing their infant son hear for the first time. On his Facebook page, Rush Limbaugh posted an article where Barack Obama commented that the Muslim Call to Prayer is "one of the prettiest sounds on Earth." Reading the article reminded me of this video. I can't help but think that to any baby, their mother's voice is not just one of the prettiest sounds on Earth but it is the prettiest sound ever created.

Nancy Pelosi's Probe-lem

2010-08-19T09:41:00.002-06:00

It would appear that Speaker Pelosi could very well qualify as one of the most unhinged people in America. The effects of her Botox-laced brain are manifesting themselves in her recent calls to investigate those who oppose the construction of the Ground Zero Victory Mosque. She wants to know what groups are behind the opposition and who is funding them. Ironically, 68% of Americans who question the Mosque-erade are asking the same thing about those who want to build the Y.M.I.A's (Young Men's Islamic Asssociation) "Community Center." Lots of folks are wondering who's behind the mosque and where the financial windfall is coming from so that it may be built.

The funny thing is, people would like to see you and your BFF's in D.C. be subjected to some good, thorough probes yourself. Unfortunately, I believe that only Aliens would be willing to perform the procedure. And who knows what they would find? Probably not much, just a few sticks and perhaps Jimmy Hoffa.

The Young Victoria

2010-08-18T15:52:00.003-06:00

I know there are more pressing matters in the world, but when the baby is sleeping and the laundry isn't quite ready to be folded, nothing is more important to a mom than being able to take a few minutes to herself and, in my case, watch a good movie. I don't know how accurate The Young Victoria is, but the costumes are fabulous and you can't beat the PG rating. (I like being able to watch a movie knowing that if our 6-year-old walks in, there won't be anything bad on the screen). Right now, she is dancing with Prince Albert after her coronation, so I must return to the ball. If you haven't seen the movie, check it out.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-08-17T10:48:00.005-06:00

Well, I am taking advantage of today to show my own Conservative Mom what I did with some of her pictures that I am keeping in my care for the next little while. (I could email the message, but I like it when other people post pictures of how they decorate so I will too.) She picked these up in Williamsburg some time ago, and they are painted in watercolor on velvet---I think that's the story. I hung them up in the baby's room along with the blessing gown she handmade for my youngest brother. He's 15 and no longer fits in it, so I used for our daughter after she was born. As for the vanity, it is part of a set of pretty-old-but-not-quite-antique Drexel Heritage furniture. Originally, it belonged to my aunt and was used by my sister and I growing up. I have the pieces now, and while they are definitely showing their age, I don't have the heart to have them refinished. I love them just the way they are and really like how the vanity looks with the gown and pictures. Hope you do too, Mom!

A Visual Translation of Obama's Mosque Comments

2010-08-16T14:39:00.006-06:00

My dad sent me an email regarding a protest surrounding the proposed Mosque site at Ground Zero (I say "at" because it has been reported that parts of one of the airplanes crashed through the building's roof, thus making it part of Ground Zero and, consequently, hallowed ground.) Now, no one would refute the fact that there is a Constitutional right to build a mosque; it is simply a matter of it being right to do so. Legally, my daughters can drive at 16 here in Utah; the law books say it is so. However, if they grow up (heaven forbid) to be trouble makers and have proven themselves to be untrustworthy in any regard, I will deny them the opportunity to get behind the wheel. You see, just because it says you can, doesn't mean you should. That is a lot of the frustration surrounding this Mosque-erade.

So, people are upset. Lines are being drawn. And, of course, as with all things related to the Muslim faith, President Obama has to give his 2 cents (compliments of the taxpayer). He made a statement on Friday and has backpeddled since. I am here to dispel the confusion and clarify his clarification. You see, what he said was...

But let me be clear: as a citizen, and as President, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as anyone else in this country. That includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances. This is America, and our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakeable.

I am here to show you what he said.

America, let me be clear:

Adding Insult to Injury

2010-08-13T11:47:00.006-06:00

Don't you hate it when that happens? My husband has had those kinds of days building up, and he had that look on his face when he walked in from work. Deadline's are approaching and problems need to be fixed. Obligations need to be met and decisions need to be made. It was the kind of day where you sigh and wonder, "What next?". Well, "next" happened at around 9 o'clock last night.

I had an urge to clean, something that is not unusual for me, and decided to vacuum the basement. I spun around his office chair, and the arm ended up knocking off and breaking a piece of his computer that I will call, for lack of a better term, "the internet stick". Normally, this wouldn't be a huge deal, but he had just spent a few days drying out some electronic equipment that sat too close to what was to be a messed up water heater. So, just as he thought he was (finally) done with his day, here was another thing that needed to be fixed. (But hey! The office is clean.)

A little while later, he knocks on the bathroom door and requests some fingernail polish remover and a Q-tip. What was supposed to be his last, easy fix for the day turned out to be the proverbial last straw. All my husband wanted to do was glue the internet stick together; instead,...

*sigh* It took 45 minutes, but he finally got the package of glue off of his finger, and his day was finally done.

So, why this? Why now? Have you heard that the Obamas are headed to Martha's Vineyard in a few days after their token 27-hour trip to the Gulf Coast on Saturday? Michelle (Moochelle ala Rush) just returned from her lavish vaycaycay in Spain while The President rubbed shoulders with The New Orleans Saints. Americans watched in disbelief as they sat reworking their budgets wondering how they'll afford next month's house payment let alone take a vacation. People are saying "Tone it down; have some respect for the reality of our economic situations." Instead, it's insult to injury. It's a package of glue stuck to your finger. We've asked them to stop, and they triumphantly increased their momentum. And they do it gladly in front of the cameras just to show it off.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse: The Problem With the Obamas

2010-08-10T09:13:00.006-06:00

(Oops, sorry about the messed up format. I guess I need to fix that.)

With November elections a few days away, it's time to get back in gear. In truth, I was tired of the same old political soap operas and decided to take a break from it all and enjoy my summer. I checked the news periodically, but it wasn't until I heard about our Queen Empress Diva's jaunt to Spain that I decided to awaken from my blogging slumber. (Makes me jealous of Sleeping Beauty, she opened her eyes and saw Prince Charming. Me? I got to see the First Lady sporting her tan lines whilst wearing an ill-fitted top. Niiiiiice.)

Reportedly, this one of several trips she has taken this summer. I am guessing she didn't get the memo that "taking a vacation from your vacation" is just a figure of speech. Now, don't get me wrong. I understand that everyone needs a little down time. I get that being the First Lady is hard work. I mean, once she deposits her daughters with Grandma, someone has to tell us how to raise our kids and run our lives. Then, there are parties to plan and clothes to shop for so that she may be well-dressed for her little soirées. The problem, as so many have pointed out, is that the Obamas are living their life one way while telling us to live another. The American People should vacation on the beaches of the Gulf of Mexico, but Michelle and Barack need to go to Maine. We should sacrifice packages of Oreos on the alter of Organic Vegetables; meanwhile, Team Obama gets to eat Mac n' Cheese, ribs, and corn bread in North Carolina. We should go without so they can simply go.

It all reminds me of the musical "Oliver!" and the part where the orphans are making their way to dinner. Gruel is, once again, on the menu but the overlords of the orphanage get to eat...well, you'll see.

Love This!

2010-07-08T09:57:00.002-06:00

I am in the middle of my recently blogged about true-to-life middle-class vacation that the Obama's tried to copy on their stint in North Carolina. I have lots to tell but am busy enjoying my time in Kentucky, now that the kids, nieces, and nephews are fever and sore-throat free. (Yet, another hallmark of a middle-class vacation that the Obamas managed to avoid by leaving their kids with their built-in babysitter in the form of Michelle's mom.) With that being said, I really want to share with you some pictures on my own mom's garden but need one more picture before I post them. Until then, I just stumbled across this and wanted to pass it along.

Celebrating America and Freedom

2010-07-03T09:19:00.002-06:00

It's too bad these puppets aren't the ones in The White House.

Oh well, enjoy the holiday. Eat lots of yummy food; don't feel guilty about it. I hope you see the awesome parades and fireworks John Adams imagined us having all these years later. Have a Happy 4th of July!

The Obama Administration: A Bunch of Ass-Men with Potty Mouths

2010-06-28T21:43:00.007-06:00

My mom and I just watched this clip of Joe Biden calling an American Citizen a Smart Ass.

Wow. There is nothing like the Vice President of the United States talking to a hardworking citizen like that. Now, there's a damn hole Obama can plug.

What is it with this Administration and their obsession with the Ass? The Democratic Mascot is an Ass. The First Lady has a big one (which makes me wonder how that family fits around the dinner table considering she is married to such an enormous one). Obama is lookin' for one to kick. And foreign females have great ones to look at.

There are no "butts" about it; there are some seriously asinine people running our country.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-19T22:31:00.003-06:00

One of the nice things about being Conservative Moms is that we do not feel threatened by men (unlike our liberal, female counterparts who pretty much hate all things masculine unless it is their own unplucked chin hair). So, it should come as no surprise that Father's Day is a day we celebrate in our home. The thing is, this year my husband really gets what it is to be a dad.

I think it really hit him during one of our dinner conversations. Our daughter, who just finished kindergarten, was sitting at the table and announced that there was a boy in her class that she was going to marry. She informed us which boy it was, and my husband sat there stunned. Later that evening, he said it was exactly like the moment in the movie Father of the Bride when the college-age daughter, Annie, tells the parents (over dinner) that she "met a man in Rome who is wonderful and brilliant" and that they were getting married. In the scene, we see her father, George Banks, completely taken aback, and when he asks her to repeat the unexpected news, we see his daughter through his eyes as she tells him again...

My husband realized that, someday, his little girl will grow up. But I am here to tell him that--no matter what happens--our daughter will always be his little girl. I speak from experience that at some point we grow up, move out, and move on. However, we never move too far because there will always be a special place in a dad's hearts for their daughters. And, likewise, a daughter's heart will always harbor a similar place just for her dad.

Congressman Assaults Young Man

2010-06-14T13:27:00.007-06:00

Well, that's what the headlines would say if it were a Republican doing the assaulting, but in this instance, where a Democratic Congressman gets a little testy with a guy younger than me, the headlines would read Young Man Assaults Congressman. I've been busy lately getting ready for our middle-class vacation, but when I saw this, I decided it would be fun to help it go viral with the hopes that this man's politcal career will be utterly destroyed. I'm talking full-board Death Star implosion. This guy, North Carolina "Up for Reelection" Congressman Bob Etheridge, seems to be a real jerk--a type of person I have no use for. (That's probably because I had a run-in with one a few weeks ago. But don't worry, to quote our President, "I won.") But while I call him a jerk, he says the incident occured after a pretty stressful day. Awww.....poor baby.

What happens is, a student approaches the Congressman and asks if he supports the Obama Agenda. Etheridge demands to know who the kid is; he does not get the answer he feels entitled to and grabs the assailant's wrist. He must have grabbed pretty hard, because the kid asks him to let go. Etheridge does not and goes further by grabbing the kid by the back of the neck and pulling him close in some weird, metrosexual male domination tactic. (This occurred outside of a Nancy Pelosi fundraiser, so I guess he was trying to BE Nancy and give himself fully to his inner bully.)

Makes you kind of sick, huh? And the incident always begs the question, "What if it had been a Republican behaving in such a manner?"

Here's the Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpBJUDGTZ64
(D'oh! I can never figure it out. Oh well, just copy and paste, share it on Facebook, or email Bob a link to an anger management clinic.)

Kids, Confusion, and Clarity

2010-06-02T02:35:00.005-06:00

I have seen and, yet, not understood the allure of those baby onesies that say "2 A.M. Party at my crib." That is, until just now. After tending to my post-nightmare 5-year-old (who I woke up to staring at me while I was having my own nightmare of being hungry--oh wait! I was!), I heard a familiar noise on the baby monitor. After checking the clock and uttering Are you kidding me?, I fail to see what could be so hilarious to a 7-month-old baby at two o'clock in the morning. Normally, she falls back asleep but not today. Party at her crib...

I would prefer to be asleep right now; consequently, I have broken my own rule and given the baby a bottle with the hopes of inducing a food coma. I am now waiting for her to doze off. The train to Dreamland departs in about 10 minutes, so until then, I bid you Sweet Dreams until 6 o'clock in the morning because that is the exact moment when both girls will wake up having no recollection of these events. Then, at around 3 this afternoon, the 5-year-old will ask, ever so innocently, "Mommy, why are you so grumpy?" *sigh* It's because of the oil spill, my dear... Those folks in Louisiana don't know how easy they have it.

This...

Leads to this...

Ultimately, leads you to this...

(Hmmmm..duct tape. That would "plug the D@#$ hole!")

Memorial Day Weekend

2010-05-28T07:37:00.005-06:00

R.I.P. Art Linkletter

2010-05-26T15:31:00.003-06:00

I heard the news about the passing of Art Linkletter, yet another true talent in television. Few people these days--whether on T.V. or film--can lay claim to the charm that he demonstrated throughout his career. I've always laughed at the funny things kids say, and Mr. Linkletter was a master at carrying on a conversation with the smallest Americans and could always make us laugh with his inquiries.

Paging Al Gore...

2010-05-24T10:51:00.003-06:00

Every morning, I wake up my husband at 8:00. Our conversation this morning went something like this:

Me: It's time to get up.
Him: Hshshumptshldglsmldmslphm
Me: It's 8:00.
Him: Hsldmdupspshm....*sigh* *yawn* *rubs eyes* Did the baby sleep okay last night?
Me: It was a nightmare. (I then proceed to tell him about my long evening--gotta get the sympathy vote, ya know?)
Me: But on the bright side, you don't have to worry about mowing the lawn and putting down fertilizer today!
Him: Why?
Me: Because it's snowing.

That's right folks, as you make your preparations for Memorial Day weekend, I am just grateful I washed the 5-year-old's jeans last night and didn't pack the winter coats just yet. We had hot chocolate and muffins for breakfast. The heater is on. And I believe there will be a neighborhood funeral for all of the tomato plants that died during the night. So, forgive me if I slack on posting this week. It is the last week of school, and I will be busy locking the Christmas decorations away so as not to mistake this weather as the start of Winter break as opposed to the actual Summer Break.

The Art of the Napkin Ring

2010-05-21T07:33:00.006-06:00

I would be derelict in my duty if I let this one slide. Yesterday, I saw these pictures of Michelle Obama in her dress that she wore to the State Dinner for Mexico's President and Congressional Dems new Pep Rally Leader, Felipe Calderon.

I can honestly say that she has worn some awful stuff in the past, but I can't believe she walked out of the house wearing this dress. I read a comment that she looked like she was wearing a napkin ring and I have to agree. The only thing I can think is that Joe Biden, during recess, was eating an Otter Pop and watching Disney's Beauty and the Beast. The First Lady, which pains me to say given the scowl she is sporting in the photos, must have passed the V.P.'s playroom during the "Be Our Guest" musical number and felt inspired to attend the dinner dressed as a swirly, twirly napkin. I love the color, and I love the sparkle; however, when your flesh lops over the fabric, I think it's safe to say that the garment is too small. Unless someone starts marketing Spanx for the armpit, this look will cease to be attractive. Of course, there were those who declared that Mrs. Obama looked beautiful, ethereal, and like a Greek Goddess. I wonder if they would feel the same about my muffin top if I wore something similar?

For My Husband and For the Conservative Moms

2010-05-20T12:51:00.005-06:00

Poor guy. He was up late fixing his laptop, which happens to be a Dell. The laptop has been making funny noises, and last night it had this really bright, blue screen that he was not happy about. So, this one's for you!

see more Political Pictures

As for you moms out there, I saw this picture a while back and still chuckle about it. We're actually watching "Horton Hears a Who" right now, so I thought Why not?. (As for the giant yawn--meh. When in the comforts of my own home, I'm entirely guilty of doing the same without covering my mouth.)

see more Political Pictures

***Dang it!***The pictures are cut off. Just click on them to get the full effect.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-05-18T16:51:00.003-06:00

I've been M.I.A. lately because I have been conducting an experiment. Christians love to use the phrase Faith can move mountains. As I thought about this, I wondered if that promise extends to mountains of laundry. So over the past several days, I have washed lots and lots of clothes and folded none of it. I can honestly say that there is a mountain of laundry in my den, covering the sofa. As the time has passed, I have come to the conclusion that, yes, faith can move mountains, but when it comes to clean socks and underwear, God wants you to fold your own.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-05-11T10:13:00.002-06:00

It's one of those days. On the drive to school, I realized that I forgot to give our daughter breakfast. Luckily, she ate some Cinnamon bread and had a glass of milk before leaving and swore she wasn't hungry. Then, when I dropped her off, I realized her backpack straps had broken with only a few weeks left to go in the school year; Not that she was bummed about the whole thing because she saw a backpack she really wanted at the store yesterday. (She's too young for self-sabotage, so it's just great luck for her.) When I got home and out of my car, I noticed that my garage smells like Cucumbers...I don't know why. On top of it all, I worked out while the baby was/is napping and decided to watch that movie "Taken", not the one with the aliens but the one with Liam Nesson where he's some ex-spy guy who's daughter gets kidnapped in Paris. H.O.L.Y. C.O.W.

I have to watch movies in subtitles while I run so I can hear my music, and thank goodness. I almost fell off the treadmill in the first big moment; I can't imagine how intense it would have been with sound. (Why would you even watch that? is the question my husband asked.) So, after finishing my run; checking on the baby; double-checking the locks; searching under the beds; being EXTRA nice to our very large, intimidating dog; and vowing to NEVER open the door to someone I don't know/am expecting again, I need a little pick me up. Take it away Mr. Como!

Now, to finish the movie. I have to see this guy get his Qui-Gon on. Note to the bad guys: Never mess with a kid who's dad was a Jedi Master.

President Obama Nominates Jon Lovitz to the Supreme Court

2010-05-10T08:51:00.002-06:00

At least that was my first thought when I saw the actual nominee, Elena Kagan. Am I wrong?

Why Moms are Like the Millennium Falcon

2010-05-05T07:47:00.009-06:00

Yesterday, there was a status update on Facebook that I just had to "Like":
8 years ago, I traded eyeliner for dark circles, salon hair cuts for ponytails, long showers for stubbly legs, late nights for early mornings, designer purses for diaper bags, and awesome shoes for flip flops.I LOVE MY KIDS and wouldn't change a thing. With Mother's Day so close lets see how many moms will repost this...Moms will always give up things for our kids.

This came a day after my sister posted a status update in regards to 3 recent wardrobe malfunctions that are a direct result of having kids. I tried to console her with this uplifting thought:

I don't know if it helped. Maybe I should have reminded her that she's lucky her malfunction happened at home because when the same thing happened to me, we were walking into the Treasure Island Hotel & Casino to see "Mystere". It was right before we got on the elevator when my sister noticed the hole in my black pants--right on the bum. Unfortunately, all I could find to hide the problem was a 3/4 sleeve T-shirt with the "Mystere" logo to wrap around my waist. In all honesty, I don't know how well the problem remained hidden because as the show went on and because my postpartum thighs were closer friends than they used to be, the hole turned into a 12-inch tear. It spread down the back and along the inside seam of my once-flattering pants. Oh well, I thought, What happens in Vegas,stays in Vegas. And that is exactly what happened when I threw my pants into the trash that night.

Yesterday afternoon, these thoughts came rushing back to my mind as I continued Sunday's Star Wars marathon. (What can I say? It's one of my favorite things to watch on the weekends; it helps pass the time until football season kicks into gear. But I digress...) When Luke Skywalker sees the Millennium Falcon for the first time, he exclaims that it is a "hunk of junk." Any Mom who is worried about her looks--ponytails or stubbly legs--need only to remember Han's response...

"She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts."

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-05-04T14:27:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but it really can seem like the end of the world in our household when one of our daughter's "Pink Ambers" goes missing. Pink Amber is the name of her absolute, most favorite teddy bear that was given to her on the day she was born. It is a little pink dog and is named after the truly inspired gift-giver, my husband's cousin. This little dog is so loved by our daughter that, at one point, we kept three in the house in rotation so that they would be equally worn down--hence the plural "Pink AmberS". This way, if one went missing, we would grab a back-up Pink Amber and pretend we found the lost one. Because the back-up looked just as ratty (i.e., loved) as the lost one, our daughter never clued in on our scheme. Well, not until a year and a half ago when I forgot to put one of the back-up dogs up and she found them sitting together downstairs. I heard her bewilderment as she came up the stairs, "Mom, all this time I had TWO..." (We lost the third in a parking lot at the mall.) Since then, our oldest daughter and her Pink Ambers have been inseparable.

I am sure some of you have similar relationships that exist between your kids and their favorite teddy bear, and I want to share a tip I read some time ago regarding these little securities our kids keep in their care. I *think* I got the idea from Family Fun magazine, but I can't be sure. Either way, I take no credit. I was reminded of this idea while I was cleaning our daughters' rooms (Tuesday's chores) and put Pink Ambers into the wash. I am sure you've seen those machines at PetSmart or Wal*Mart that engrave tags for you pets. Well, instead of making a tag for Fido, make a tag for Buddy the Bear. Put the tag on a string or collar and put it on the teddy bear. This way, if you go to an amusement park or just the grocery store and lose the toy, you have a chance of having it returned. For Pink Amber (only one is allowed on each outing) we put:

Pink Amber
If found, please call
###-###-####

Of course, the best idea is to simply leave the object of your child's affection behind, but sometimes, you just don't want to fight that battle especially if you go on vacation. So, take the advice for what it's worth--piece of mind "just in case".

"Reasonable Suspicion" and Why Labeling Me a "Nazi" Doesn't Offend Me

2010-04-29T09:16:00.004-06:00

My, my, my. Whenever I hear the word "Arizona", I always think about the way one of my best friends from high school described it after her family moved there from Alabama. She always referred to it as "The Land of Eternal Dirt". Who knew it was also a breeding ground for bigots and hate-mongers? I thought they only existed in the Deep South and Idaho Panhandle. How does that song go? What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours. Well, what a difference has been made in 24 hours and with one law meant to curtail the escalating problems created by The Illegals in the state of Arizona.

Reasonable Suspicion
Watch the news or read the reports, and you may think that this law gives a green light for officials to approach any college student with a tan (because she looks Hispanic) and demand to see proper identification that says "Why yes, Officer, I am here legally." It seems that people who report such dribble are conveniently omitting those pesky two words Reasonable Suspicion. Let's bring the reporters down to Earth on the subject. If you have a teenager who makes really good grades, has good friends, and is engaged in the world around him/her, you probably won't entertain the thought that Johnny is smoking pot and sneaking out at night. Because it is your child, you will always try to get a daily assessment of how Johnny or Suzy is doing through conversation or observation. Progress in school and life would not make you concerned. Now, if your teenager--who has always excelled in various activities--begins to withdraw, you might begin to wonder if something is wrong. As you observe this withdrawal and notice that your teens grades are slipping, attitude has soured, and he/she begins to dress differently or has a sudden change in friends and/or music style, you will have "Reasonable Suspicion" that there are some serious problems or struggles that your child is dealing with. At this point you may begin to do some investigation because the red flags are there and that's what a good parent will do.

Such is the case with Arizona's law. Simply looking Hispanic and walking down the street is not enough to create reasonable suspicion. But if someone is pulled over for a DUI in a 1975 Chevette, speaks no English, has no driver's license or car insurance and registration, and (depending on the day) is part-time employed (paid with cash) after doing a day's labor because somebody picked them up from the Home Depot parking lot, I would say that "Reasonable Suspicion" exists that the drunk driver may be here illegally and that the Law Enforcement Officer would be wise to inquire about the individual's legal status.

"Nazi"? Seriously, That's the Best You Can Do?
I also want to address this whole love affair people have with calling law-abiding citizens "Nazis" or referring to them as such (see Nancy Pelosi as she talked about Tea Party goers carrying Swastikas). If those on the left want to get me riled up, they may want to pick a better word. Now, not to diminish the atrocities committed by Hitler and his minions (I still have nightmares from images I saw as a child), but the word "Nazi" has become slang for lots of different things, and we have Jerry Seinfeld to thank for this with the infamous "Soup Nazi" skit.

I, myself, happen to be a Wash Your Hands Nazi, Stay Home if You're Sick Nazi, Control Your Kid Nazi, Cleaning Nazi, Don't Call My House After 9 Nazi, and Don't Eat My Chocolate Nazi. (Although my husband just likes to say that I have food aggression as far as a bag of M&M's is concerned.) So, really people. You've got to do better than call me a Nazi for supporting Arizona and the law. Because it doesn't offend me.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-04-27T13:43:00.005-06:00

Memorial Day, the unofficial summer kick-off, is just around the corner which means we have to prepare to confront the Four Swimsuits of the Barack-alypse: The Bikini, The Tankini, The One Piece, and (for whom it may concern) The Maternity. Of all the challenges we face each year, the venture into the dressing room with these tiny pieces of fabric in hand is one of the most difficult journeys we may take. The door shuts behind us, echoing in our ears. As we face the mirror we see the doorknob, unlocked and reminding us that there is still time to run away. But for some reason, we never do. Instead, we lock ourselves in this torture chamber and willingly put ourselves through 3 minutes of agony. It is a short amount of time, but in those moments we are reminded about the extra pieces of pie we ate at Thanksgiving or the bowls of ice cream devoured in order to "help soothe" the sore throat we had in January.

Swimsuits are a necessary evil and until society decides to embrace the aquatic attire preferred by the Duggar Family, we have to come to terms with the fact that small, patterned pieces of Lycra are in all of our futures. And while we may not be in peak swimsuit form, we can rest well knowing that pretty much every other, non-surgically altered female in North America is dreading this time of year. Misery loves company, so let's enjoy the Summer together. It's been a long winter. Let the sunshine and smell of sunblock lift your spirits; allow the cool splash of the ocean or pool water refresh you as you watch your kids play. And if you really hate the way you look and don't think you can do anything about it, there's still time before Memorial Day. Just remember that "Exercise will make you a Sore Loser." And if that's not your style, and you like yourself just the way you are (i.e., have come to terms with the fact that you are no longer 17 and metabolically invincible), remember that "A waist is a terrible thing to mind." Either way, good luck on your journey into the dressing room. Accessorize with some courage and self-confidence. Don't be too hard on yourself because the fact of the matter is that we are own worst critics, and we probably don't look as bad as we think we do.

Middle Class Vacations: Mine vs Their's

2010-04-26T10:00:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I heard about the Obama's "middle class" jaunt to Asheville, North Carolina over the weekend. It was supposed to be a romantic getaway sans kids and another lame attempt to prove that they are "just like us". Being a true middle class mom myself, I thought it would be fun to compare an Obama middle class vacation to a Utah Mom's middle class vacation. I am going to see how their weekend in Asheville stacks up against the few weeks that I will be spending in Kentucky this summer.

First, let's talk travel. The Obama's flew down on a smaller version of Air Force One. The plane was fired up and ready to go when they got there, and I am pretty sure any liquids that they wished to bring on board were not subject to the 3-1-1 rule: 3 oz. of liquid/gel in 1 quart-sized bag for 1 passenger. Now, if I were to fly to Kentucky, I would be cramped in Coach (that company makes purses bigger than most Exit seats) after arriving at the airport 2 hours before. I, and more than likely, our 6-month-old baby would have been screened, patted down, and treated like terrorists before the probable delays that plague the airlines today.

Ah, but note that I said, "IF I were to fly..." You see, we're middle class and can't afford it. By the time you pay for tickets, pay extra for extra luggage, pay extra for the cost of bringing a pack-n-play and booster seat (for meals), you may as well do what we are planning to do--drive. You see, that is what a lot of middle class folks are doing these days. Driving. Sure, the cost of gas for a car that gets a whopping 12 miles/gallon won't be cheap, but at least we have control of when we come and go, not to mention the fact I won't have to be frisked by some strange lady who, for all I know, could have been recently released from the local women's prison.

Second, who is in the party? The Obama's vacation was limited to just the President and his wife. Oops, another difference of middle-class trip-taking styles. Middle class families like to take *gasp* Family vacations because the opportunity do so is few and far between (comparison #3) and because we have this crazy notion that driving cross-country with small kids will be FUN! (This is helped by the fact that the dog will be boarded. Three days in a confined space with a shedding, neurotic, and sometimes gassy dog would not be fun.) Not only will this trip consist of my little family, but we will be in a caravan with my sister, the person with whom I concocted this genuine middle-class vacation.

Third, the timing. As a middle-class mom, I am limited to when we can pack up and leave. Like others, if we go anywhere, it is usually restricted to holidays, spring break, and summer vacation. Even still, we have to contend with soccer practice, church responsibilities, and work. We can't just say, "Hey, Honey. Can you fire up the helicopter so we can fly to Salt Lake for a night at the theater?"

Fourth, The Lodging Hearing where the Obamas stayed on their middle class vacation is what got me curious about this whole thing. I found out that they stayed at the Grove Park Inn. A little research and I discovered that it is a top-10 Luxury Resort and Spa where, if I wanted to spend a few nights in the middle of May and depending on the type of room, I would fork out between $280 and $785 per night. I don't know about you, but on our drive to Kentucky, I will be on the lookout for a cheap Holiday Inn because I hear the shower heads are nice and the Continental Breakfast is complimentary. And when we get to Kentucky, we're staying at my parent's house, and while it's beautiful, I don't think room service will be available unless I go, make the sandwich myself, and eat it on my bed.

Finally, the Activities. According to the Obama itinerary, middle-class vacations require dining at local roadside restaurants where you can get ribs, green beans, and cornbread. THAT, I agree with. They also went on a hike. Yeah, that's a laugh. I live across the street from a mountain, and I won't hike that thing on a whim let alone on vacation. The President played golf (not abnormal, even for middle-class) although I wonder how much nicer the course is compared to the one I live by. (Don't let that fool you. The golfers do so in wife-beaters and cut-off jeans--nothing to brag about.) Also, rumor has it that Michelle Obama took in some time at the Grove Park Inn's Spa where she could have received--if she wanted--a pedicure for the low price of $100. Blurrrr!!! Blurrrrrr!!! Red Alert!!!! Houston, we have a problem. While I am middle class, I do like to treat myself to a pedicure now and then, but it usually costs $25.00 and is given by a person from Taiwan who speaks English about as well as Bawney Fwank. In fact, I'll probably get one before our trip to Kentucky and hope it doesn't get ruined when my parents get the hose and roll out the plastic tarp. That's right--a giant slip n' slide!

So, there you have it. Middle Class in an Obama World is very different than the reality of my own. It doesn't bother me that Team Obama took a vacation with just the two of them. (Heck! Most of us capri-clad moms would give anything to have a weekend with just our spouses at a luxury resort while our kids stay with Grandma.) Why? Because people need vacations. Vacations with family are precious, and they are necessary to get through the doldrums of life. It helps to reconnect with each other, away from home and doing something out of the ordinary. It even helps to indulge in a little luxury on your trip.

What bothers me is that this was billed as a "middle-class" vacation, but when you look at the facts, it really wasn't. Now, there is nothing wrong with having a lot of money and having fantasic adventures. I applaud anyone who has achieved such levels of success on their own merit. What is not okay is doing so on the taxpayer's dime especially when those funding your trip are out of work, struggling financially, and in desperate need for a vacation of their own.

Heh.

2010-04-22T08:07:00.003-06:00

It's snowing on Earth Day here in Utah, and while I can't stand seeing the white stuff falling at the end of April, I can't help but admire the cheekiness of Mother Nature.

It Takes a Special Kind of Stupid...

2010-04-16T08:28:00.011-06:00

...to make Joe Biden look smart.

It is never a good idea to mock the people you were elected to SERVE. Speaking at a Miami fund-raiser, Obama took a jab at Tea Party activists.

[Obama] says he’s been a little amused over the past couple of days when people at the rallies complained about taxes. Quoting the president: “You would think they’d be saying thank you.”

We should be thanking him (actually bowing before him is what he really wants us to do) since he claimed at the fund-raiser that he has cut taxes for 95% of Americans. Paging Joe Wilson! Paging Joe Wilson!

This is when experience actually working in the private sector would have come in handy because he would have learned one of the cardinal rules of business: Be nice to the people you work with on the way up because you WILL meet them on the way down.

If you're like me, you're not surprised Obama would make such asinine statements; however, it still makes you crazy every time you hear them. I don't want to send you into the weekend annoyed, so here are a few things to put a smile on your face.

When Robert Gibbs invited his family to dinner...

see more

see more

It's Tax Day! Yipee!

2010-04-15T08:28:00.002-06:00

I asked if any of my friends on Facebook are excited about paying Taxes this year. So far, no one is. Can't imagine why.

Still Mostly Dead With Enough Breath Left to Surf

2010-04-14T11:24:00.005-06:00

I am so glad that Al Gore invented the internet. It has helped pass the time and kept my mind off this darn sore throat. I have no brain power for deep thinking; in fact, the best I could come up with was that it was too bad Michelle Obama didn't bring her daughters with her on her recent visit to Mexico. I guess warding off hordes of poverty-stricken 8-year-old Mexican kids trying to sell 10-cent packets of "Chicle!" isn't as exciting as flying to New York for an evening at the theater or jet-setting to France for a day of shopping in Paris.

It's an annoying thought, and it bugged me quite a bit. Then, I found these look-alike pictures on Laura Ingraham's home page and enjoyed a good chuckle. Hope it brightens your day too.
http://www.lauraingraham.com/pg/jsp/general/separatedarchives.jsp

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-04-13T11:47:00.002-06:00

As Wives, Moms, or just plain busy girls all we ever really want is a day to just lay in bed and do absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, the prerequisite for such a day is a nasty virus or bacterial infection that renders us "mostly dead".

So, here I sit--mostly dead--while my husband and my sister, who needed a very timely break from school, are picking up the slack. Of course, that hasn't stopped me from trying to help. I stumbled out of my room this morning in my p.j.'s with my hair askew and scary surgical face mask on in an attempt to help with the baby and getting the 5-year-old ready for school. I was sent back to the room by my husband who has plead with me to stay in bed and rest so that I will recover faster. Getting up with a baby during the night then going to work all day followed by coming home to do what I normally do during the day is no fun, and he has declared that he really needs me to get better. It's nice to be appreciated. So, to the silly little girl at my brother's high school who declared that the world would be better off without Housewives, my husband would beg to differ.

Oh Dear, Not Again

2010-04-05T07:19:00.003-06:00

I remember reading once that History is destined to repeat itself because of the failure of men to learn from their past mistakes. It looks like President Obama is setting himself up to do just that. He is slated to throw out the Ceremonial First Pitch at Nationals Park in Washington D.C. tonight. Of course, I can't let that go without a bit reminiscing over the fact that our President throws like a girl. Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Weak on terror. Weak on the economy. Weak on the mound.

In spite of tradition, I think he should respectfully decline the invitation and sit this one out. Of course, he won't. Why would he give up the chance to stand before thousands of clapping, cheering, and possibly fainting fans? (As for any BOO's that my be heard--Boo's? What boo's? Not possible. You must mean booze. All right! It's a Beer Summit!) So let's just hope he's worked on his wind-up and pray that he leaves the mom jeans at home.

Have a Happy Easter!

2010-04-02T06:36:00.003-06:00

An Adolescent Query

2010-04-01T08:56:00.004-06:00

President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan this week as well as announced the end to a ban on offshore drilling. I know a lot of people are really loving this news, but coming right after he crammed Health Care down our throats I can't help but wonder Why is he being so nice all of the sudden?. It just reminds me of the bully in Junior High who, on this day, would approach you and say, "Hey, Courtney. You look really nice today, and I am sorry for how I have treated you in the past." Then, just as you open your mouth to accept the apology and say "thank you" the bully whacks you upside the head and says, "April Fool's!" and proceeds to take your lunch money just as he always has.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse: Sleep is for Celebrities Who Can Afford a Nanny Edition

2010-03-31T10:54:00.005-06:00

I REALLY regret not buying "Alvin and the Chimpmunks: The Squequel" yesterday. After a long night with a teething baby, I was exhausted--goin' on fumes, if you know what I mean. And unlike most cartoon characters, I don't have an angel and a devil on my shoulders; instead, I have a lazy and proactive Mom sitting on them. The lazy Mom said, "Hey, Courtney! Get that DVD and you can send the 5-year-old to the basement. She can watch it all day, and it will help you get through your's. Mwahahahaha!" But I ignored it and thought that it would be best if I, in spite of my fatigue, stuck with my original plan of working out at some point and having our daughter help me clean up the gauntlet of toys, crafting supplies, and my brother's college stuff that is strewn about the place. After all, my husband had promised to take care of the girls so that I could be in bed--lights out--by 9:00. What's that saying: The best laid schemes...?

Needless to say, I accomplished nothing thanks to unbelievably short naps by the baby. When 7:00 rolled around and I still had not worked out, I knew I had come to the crossroads of my day. Do I just say to heck (remember, this is Utah) with it and dig into the Milk Chocolate and Salted Caramel Macadamia Clusters that I recently discovered at Costco or do I run in spite of it all. Fortunately and as I was drifting towards the 110 calorie per cluster snack, I found a very, very, VERY small window of opportunity where I decided that yes, I can at least get my run in for the day. I synced my iPod and started moving, and while I was running I realized that I would even have energy to put in a Tuesday installment of "Preparing for the Barack-alypse". I thought I would share with you some songs from my playlist that cheer me up and keep me moving, something we all need these days. Little did I know that Goria Gaynor's I Will Survive would, not only be effective as motivation to remind me that I won't drop dead on the treadmill, but that the chorus could serve as a national anthem for tired Moms across the country. Unfortunately, Tuesday's blog never happened.

You see, as tired as I was yesterday, it pales in comparison to how I feel today. I thought Monday night was bad. Well, Tuesday night was, well, let's put this way. At 9:30 PM, 2:30 AM, and 5:00 AM, I stared into the eyes of a baby who reminded me of a Mogwai which had been fed after midnight. That's right, my otherwise sweet baby had become a Gremlin. And what's really sad is that she needs a bath, but I am afraid to give her one lest, when her body touches the water, she spawns more angry teething Gremlin babies and I am overrun by wild creatures swinging from the ceiling fan and terrorizing the townsfolk. Nevermind the fact that at 5:30 the 5-year-old came in crying just as I was about to put the baby down. I don't know what she was saying, but it was something like, "Whaaaaaa! Spiders!" *Gulp, snort, gasp* "Scary dogs! Whaaaaa!" Of course this could only be topped by her weeping and wailing about various ailments just as she was about to go to school.

Why-oh-why did I not buy that DVD? Oh well, I'm tired but being a mom is easier than it used to be thanks to Comcast on Demand and McDonald's. And you know what, I'll have a few of those Milk Chocolate and Salted Caramel Macadamia Clusters and I Will Survive.

Here's an Idea. RE: Health Care Reform

2010-03-25T21:14:00.005-06:00

I was listening to Laura Ingraham's radio show this morning, and she played a clip from a recent interview that Nancy Pelosi had with Jim Lehrer about "Finishing Health Care's Uphill Climb." The very last question and her response...well, here. Pause the video, and while it buffers, grab your barf bucket (you should all have one by now), and skip to the 10:30 mark.

"What is smart is to do what the American People need." Well, Hmmm...Tucked that gem of a thought into the recesses of my mind.

Fast forward and I am listening to Rush Limbaugh. By now, and even if you listen to other talk radio folks, I am sure you have heard the voice of DeCarlo Flythe. Click to see the video and skip to the One-Minute mark to (finally) see the face behind the voice.
Having insurance 'going to be like Christmas' :: WRAL.com

So, what is the point of this. Well, I had intended today's post to be titled "Welcome to the Nancy Pelosi School of Waitressing". Then, I realized that she could take that further and open up a Broadway Dinner Theater. Simply blend the idea of her knowing what Americans need and Mr. Flythe's early Christmas, and you have--already written--the perfect marriage of their sentiments.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse: Wednesday Edition

2010-03-24T13:10:00.003-06:00

Alternate Title: I am at My Neighborhood Caucus Meeting. Will Somebody Please Kill Me?

If you have ever seen the movie 1776, you will recall the introduction...

Such was the case at my neighborhood meeting last night. As much as I would like to say that I had channeled the passion of John Adams, I have to admit that my attitude was more along the lines of "Will someone shut that man up?!" The meeting lasted 3 hours, and about halfway through I realized why nothing ever gets done in Washington. Make a motion. Second the motion. Question for the chair. What are the rules? Vote. Repeat. Motion my eye! Slow motion is more like it. If I ran my house as "efficiently" as that meeting was ran last night, my family would still be stuck in the middle of last week. It got to the point where I suggested to the people I sat with that we needed to liven things up by responding with our "Aye!" vote in our best Pirate voices.

Know what else I learned. Public Schools are built like Casinos. I had to take a bathroom break, and I wandered the halls for who knows how long listening for the sound of flushing toilets. When that eluded me, I tried another trick I learned--look for the water fountain. (It has been my experience that where there is a fountain there is a bathroom.) Imagine my joy when I found that stainless steel beverage station, and imagine my disappointment to see it standing at the end of a long hallway. It was at that point I began to wonder where the wormhole was that dumped me in the middle of The Mirage in Las Vegas. This school was nothing but a labyrinth designed to keep you in so you can never get out. Finally, after a few more turns--The Bathroom! My relief lasted until I returned to the hallway and realized that I would have to, somehow, find my way back to the library.

What a night. Sounds exciting doesn't it? But, really, that's all it was--People sparring over technicalities and a Toilet Treasure Hunt. Don't get me wrong, I did learn a few things like what a "Caucus" is (and that if you say it just right you can make it sound like you're swearing in Spanish), Bob Bennett would probably loose to Homer Simpson if the race were tomorrow, Orrin Hatch had better find a retirement home because he's next, and that people need to be careful and not mistake arrogance for confidence. All in all, I am glad I went and had the experience. I am also glad to be a Republican because I imagine that at the Democratic Neighborhood Caucus Meetings, they had to write their names in blood on a 4x4 that all Democrats refer to as "The Pelosi Paddle". Then, after receiving one spanking for each "Yes" vote on Health Care Reform, each member at the meeting had to vow to "Be as Wise as Joe Biden and as Awesome as Obama". Hmmmm...looking back, I guess my experience wasn't so bad after all.

And the Votes are In

2010-03-21T21:59:00.004-06:00

220-211.

My dad has always said, "Almost only counts in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades." I guess we can say "Just Barely" only counts in Weight Loss, the Super Bowl, and Health Care Reform. I "just barely" lost a pound, but I lost it. The Steelers "just barely" beat the Cowboys by a field goal, but they won. The Democrats "just barely" passed Health Care by a few votes, but they passed it. It is what it is, and as we sit and shake our heads, may I offer a glimmer of hope.

If you haven't figured out already that I'm a Mormon, that's okay (unless your Mike Huckabee who would beat me with his Bible if given the chance). I would have thought it would have been apparent by the facts that I live in Utah, am a stay-at-home Mom, asked for garden boxes for Mother's Day, and tried making pancakes from scratch tonight. Of course, my candor and disdain for camping doesn't follow the stereotypical Utah Mormon Mom, so I can see where any confusion could arise. Just be aware that my personality in these parts is a little out of the norm and as I like to say "an acquired taste".

With that being said, I wanted to share with you a short video. (I really hate sounding preachy, but I promise that if you watch it that the missionaries will not magically appear on your doorstep.) I just can't help but feel it is appropriate at this time and with Easter on the horizon.

America is down, but she is not out. It's a dark time to be sure and we may feel "overcome with grief and despair." To see our freedom stripped away while our children sleep is nothing to cheer about, but rest well knowing that "Sunday Will Come".

Saturday: Special Edition

2010-03-19T21:56:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I've called and I've emailed. I've read and will continue to pray for our country. Tomorrow is a big day, and while I can't be in Washington D.C. (as much as I'd like to be), I can fight from the comforts of my living room. However, it's late, and the thought of picking up the phone and dialing endlessly seems daunting. But you know what? It's not the first, nor shall it be the last, time that I am tired with a job to do.

Remember I said that our 5-year-old was sick last week. I also said that I completed the Couch to 5K program which I had begun in the New Year. It's funny how life is. When I came to the most physically challenging part of my goal, I was met with the equally challenging--physically and emotionally--task of tending to a sick child whose fever never seemed to wane. The nights were long and sleep was often interrupted. I struggled as I tried to keep our 4-month-old's new and still fragile immune system free from whatever ailed our daughter. The dog needed to be fed. The house needed to be clean. Meals needed to be prepared, and I needed to be able to keep the house a home so that it would be a place of refuge for my husband after a long day at work. Then, somewhere in the day, I had to find time to run. And I did.

I don't know how, but by the Grace of God as well as my husband's support, I was able to put one foot in front of the other. I talked to my Mom and asked her how she managed in these situations but with eight kids. She told me she once collapsed from the exhaustion, but as all Moms must do, she got up and kept moving. In spite of the fatigue we may be feeling as we wage this battle over Healthcare, there is not a group more prepared to fight as America's Moms. We have cooled fever brows for an afternoon or cleaned up vomit in the middle of the night. We have wiped our children's tears as they cried because of a nightmare or a broken heart. We have helped and encouraged our husbands when they needed it most and for as long as they needed us to.

Now, we find ourselves with the daunting task of saving a Country and our Children's future. We've been prepared for this day where we MUST keep moving and acting in spite of our mental exhaustion. Some nights, when our daughter was sick or when our baby was newborn and crying inconsolably, I found comfort in the thought that there were others in the houses around me dealing with the same struggles and seeing through sleepy eyes. Take comfort in that. Know this, that you are not alone. We can get through this--whatever the outcome--together. Moms in Texas are feeling the strain just as well as those in Alaska. From California to Maine, we are in this fight together. Find strength and solidarity in that thought as you continue to call, email, pray, and rally tomorrow. And remember this from the movie Nicholas Nickleby: Weakness is tiring, but strength is exhausting. And come what may, we will have prevailed.

Friday's Full Court Press

2010-03-19T09:20:00.005-06:00

ONE. Hang in there. Call. Email. Pray. The "vote" on Healthcare is coming, and as it has been said "It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings." So far, I haven't seen Michelle Obama approach a microphone.

TWO. Nancy Pelosi: Congressional Pageant Mom.
I told you that while the 5-year-old was sick last week, I passed the time watching re-runs of a show called "Toddlers and Tiaras" where the premise is to document the journey of little girls (and sometimes boys--weird) as they vie to be Miss Glitz, Miss SuperGlitz, or Miss Glitz-My-Grits. Of course, you soon realize the show is not about the girls as much as it is about the moms. Just like Nancy Pelosi said (just a minute ago) this bill is about Healthcare. Yeah right. We've seen it, heard it, and read it. This bill is all about Nancy.

There are other things I noticed about these pageant moms that are eerily reminiscent of Nancy Pelosi and her method of wielding Congressional power. On one of the episodes, one of the moms openly admitted to bribing her daughter to compete in pageants because she knew the daughter didn't want to do it in the first place. We know that there are Congressmen that would feel safer roaming naked through the Congressional showers while Rahm Emanuel lurks in the shadows than find themselves in a back room with Nancy Pelosi. They don't want to do what she tells them too, but like the mother who pulled a "Tinkerbell" DVD from her bag of tricks, Nancy will use money--lots and lots of money--to get you to perform for her. If you walk to that little podium and vote "yes", I'll give you whatever you want. But you WILL do it.

Then, there was the mom who was so upset that she had invested a little over $5,000 for her daughter to compete in a pageant only to have her daughter receive a lesser title and, as the mom put it, "a crown that cost $1.99." Then, there are the moms who have super pageant winners and get so excited when their daughter wins the giant trophy, enormous crown, and whopping $750. It doesn't matter that they have lost thousands of dollars in this type of "investment". All that matters is that THEY WON.

Finally, I sat and watched the moms transform these little girls--who are cute just the way they are--and "improve" their daughters looks via spray tans, fake teeth, Texas hair, and whoreish makeup. There was nothing wrong with their daughters to begin with, but these pageant moms have a vision of what their daughters should look like. What you end up with is a 5-year-old that resembles the Bride of Chucky more than a little girl playing dress-up and being a princess. Such it is with Nancy Pelosi and Healthcare. Our system here in America is pretty darn awesome. Sure, it could use some tweaking, but the overhaul that Pageant Pelosi wants to force on us will have United States looking like a dilapidated European society rather than a World Power that inspires and helps others into the future.

THREE. I can't leave you with such depressing news. It's Friday, and it's still America. Let's enjoy it at the expense of Joe Biden whose gaffe count is up somewhere near the national debt---459 Trillion-gabillion dollars (I think). He gave us a twofer yesterday. From the AP:

WASHINGTON — Vice President Joe Biden asked for God's blessing for the late mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen during a White House celebration of St. Patrick's Day — except the elderly lady is very much alive.
"God rest her soul," Biden said Wednesday night as he introduced Cowen and President Barack Obama. He quickly caught himself and noted that it's Cowen's father who is no longer living. Of the prime minister's mother, Biden said, "God bless her soul."
Biden then cited the Irish proverb that "a silent mouth is sweet to hear" and yielded the podium to the president.

Obama's Barack-stitution Ring

2010-03-18T09:17:00.009-06:00

The first time I ever saw a prostitute in real life was in New York City quite a few years ago. Evening was drawing near, and as my family was walking home from some tourist attraction, these two girls stepped off a bus. They were wearing something resembling clothes (there was so little it was hard to tell), and my dad commented, "Oh, ladies of the night." It was then, that a naive girl from the South--moi!--beheld her first hooker. Let me tell you, they didn't look anything like Julia Roberts, and Richard Gere was nowhere to be found.

I remembered this experience yesterday while listening to Mark Levin comment on how cheaply Dennis Kucinich's "yes" vote was bought--an airplane ride and a bag of peanuts. It was at that moment I realized whores and hookers come in all shapes, sizes, and genders, and if you wish to see the biggest bunch of them all just sign up for a tour at the U.S. Capitol Building.

There was Ben Nelson and Mary Landrieu who are two of The Obama Adminstration's most pricey "yes" votes. It'll cost you millions, but eventually, you'll be able to have your way with them.

Of course, if you require those special services that only one in Congress can provide but are short on cash, Obama's Barack-stitution Ring will accept payment via tax exemptions, judgeships, and--thanks to Kucinich for being the cheapest in the bunch--a quick jaunt on an airplane and some diet coke in a plastic cup. Ice---optional.

Some Thoughts on Healthcare

2010-03-17T08:16:00.006-06:00

Lest you think I have been ignoring all that is going on as Team Barack usurps power over healthcare, I will let you know that I have been busy taking care of my own health. I started, at the New Year, the Couch to 5K program to avoid internment at one of Michelle Obama's fat camps and eating lead-laden vegetables from her garden. It has worn me out, but I am happy to report I have completed the 9 weeks and can run (almost) 3 miles so that I can get to the grocery store when gas has become too expensive to buy.

In addition to my weekly knee-pounding, I have spent the last week or so taking care of our sick 5-year-old, and I had the opportunity to watch several episodes of "Toddlers and Tiaras" and have realized that Nancy Pelosi is THE ultimate Congressional Pageant Mom and will share my thoughts with you at a later date. Until then, a sneak peak...

I've tried calling Congressman Jim Matheson's office, but his voicemail is full since news broke out over the--shall we say--timely appointment of his brother to an impressive judgeship, so I just emailed my recommendation to vote "No" on this billl. Needless to say, in my absence here, I have been engaged in the battle elsewhere, and last night I had two thoughts I'd like to throw out to the world.

First. As I am sure you are all aware, Harry Reid's wife and daughter were in a very serious car crash. Senator Reid was able to pull himself away from Capitol Hill in order to see them, a good thing since his wife's back was broken in the wreck. He stayed as long as he could before returning to Washington, but my question is this: If the American Healthcare System is so broken and bad for the American people, why would you leave your wife and daughter (in such critical condition) in the hands of doctors and medical professionals all by themselves? President Obama said that many doctors would like to make a few extra bucks, so they rip out the tonsils of a child with chronic sore throats or amputate a limb rather than treat the diabetic. Isn't Harry Reid worried that a greedy doctor with the same mindset my be assigned to his wife and remove her spine rather than rehabilitate or does Harry Reid (*gasp*) actually trust the system?

Second, Passing the Healthcare legislation vs. Deeming it passed. As brazen a move as this is (it allows Dems whose jobs are on the line to allow passage while being able to say "I didn't vote for it" in November) something about it makes me chuckle. Can you imagine if this were applied in your child's classroom. Hey Kids, no tests and report cards for a whole year. Technically, we won't pass you; we'll just deem you as passed so you can move from the 6th to the 7th grade! Better yet, as Wives and Moms, let's not actually do anything, let's just Deem it as done. The Dishes? After dinner just put them back in the cupboard and deem them clean. The Laundry? Deemed washed and ironed, just simply put those sweaty socks back in the drawer after your workout. How about picking up the dog poop? No need to bag it, just deem it so.

Sound too good to be true? That's because we know that it is. We can pretend the dog poops not there, but after a while and with warmer weather coming, it is really going to stink just as we know this whole strategy to deem passage of the Healthcare Bill reeks. So for Nancy Pelosi and her Deem-ons: Nice try, but we can smell it from here.

Preparing for the Barack-alypse

2010-03-09T12:47:00.003-07:00

With all this talk about Healthcare, I can't help but think back to one of the very few things wrong with our American System, and that is the lack of Pay-Per-View/On-Demand features in your hospital room. While I was in recovery after our baby was born in October, I found myself flipping through the 13 channels the hospital offered. I had brought DVD's only to find out that there were only VHS machines. The hospital did have a wide selection of VHS movies, and my husband brought a portable DVD player to help pass the time. But I have to tell you that I would have gladly paid $12.00 for a recently-released movie or current T.V. episodes.

So, if somewhere in the legislation, someone would pencil in "On-Demand for all Patients", I might consider supporting the bill; however, it is not meant to be. So if someone out there or some hospital is seeking some way to garner some extra funds, please be the one to bring about this revolution in hospital care. Then, the American Healthcare System would be perfect. But then again, I am a big fan of a hotel's mini-bar...

Today's Soap O-peras

2010-03-08T11:24:00.003-07:00

I haven't updated as frequently because it is the same thing every day from this Administration. I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. The difference being his experience lasted several days and our's has been going on for a year with (hopefully, no more than) 3 to go. What's worse, is this isn't even funny--well we have had some chuckles thanks to Joe Biden. It's a Soap O-pera full of drama, scandal, and lies. My gosh, there is even a prop department complete with white coats for fake doctors. It's like watching an episode of:
As the White House Spins
The Old and the Reckless
All Barack's Subjects
The Arrogant and the Clueless
One Speech to Give or
Strains on Our Lives